38 Weeks and 4 days

Right now we are playing the waiting game. Wondering when this little boo will decide he's ready to leave the womb. I feel pretty prepared at this point for the homebirth. The only thing we have to do is stock up on food. B and I were supposed to be getting Fresh Direct delivery but for reasons I don't feel like getting into, that did not happen. But we did stock up on paper good supplies and we also did a pretty good job of cleaning the apartment. We washed all the towels and sheets too. And we washed all the necessary baby clothes, burp cloths, etc... So at least I don't worry about the baby being naked! We ordered natural biodegradable diapers (the only ones on the market!) in bulk online along with natural wipes and a baby care starter kit. Hopefully everything will come in a few days. I really wanted to do cloth diapers but the fact that I live in a brownstone without any washer/dryer REALLY does not make it seem realistic for me. Yeah they have portable washers but realistically, me working full-time, I don't think I would be able to keep up with the washing of the diapers. Babies can use up to 70 diapers a week... For me the biodegradable diapers by Nature babycare is my compromise. At least I can feel good about these diapers because they don't take 1,000 years to biodegrade like most diapers. And they also do not use chemicals and toxic gels like Pampers and Huggies brands. So I can be eco-friendly and good to my baby at the same time. I need to take some more pictures while I still have this little belly. I bought a 2 gig camera card so I am going to have the motherload of pics of me and the baby. Today B and I are going to the apple festival at the Queens Farm Museum. We also planning on picking our own pumpkin! I love stuff like that... I am such a New England girl at heart!

37 weeks today!

Yay! The baby is officially full term! Wondering when he will make his debut... I think we have the majority of the things we need for the homebirth. Definitely all the necessities. A few odds and ends remain. We still need to wash all the baby clothes. We have a good amount. Lots of jammies! Still can't believe B and I are having a little boo! It's really mind blowing. I am the first out of my inner circle to take the plunge; it's cool but weird too because I feel like the spotlight is on me. I love attention but sometimes I feel like separated or isolated from others because I am going through something new to me and completely foreign to them. And even though I am of an age where a surprise pregnancy(unplanned but wanted) is not like a life destroyer, I still feel so young, you know? And I did say I wanted to have a baby before 30 so I guess someone out there or up there was listening...LOL! So I am feeling a lot more zen lately because I have completed the majority of my projects at work in anticipation of maternity leave. I have definitely been on my grind lately trying to do anything and everything I think should keep things fairly calm during my absence. I have a meeting with the bossman tomorrow morning. Hopefully that is not too painful. I am actually not looking forward to it because I feel like I already covered everything so I am worred he is going to bring up stuff that will further stress me out. But oh well, we will cross that bridge when we get there! In the meantime, I am starvin' like marvin' and did not bring my lunch today! booooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Birth Kit has arrived!

Last night our customized birth kit FINALLY arrived after much anxiety over UPS delivery and someone being around to sign for it. I went through the box a little bit this morning. Looks like everything is in order, including the "Born at Home" birth certificate and cotton onesie that I ordered. Now we just have to purchase the rest of the stuff on the list that our midwife gave us. It just a lot of odds and ends, like towels, washcloths, olive oil, etc...

My mind has been wandering all over the place. I bought "Spiritual Midwifery" the other day and now I am dreaming about what I have been reading. All these "groovy", "far out" birth stories from the 1960s and 1970s from the community known as "The Farm" in Summertown, Tennessee. It's cool to read about these hippy women and their husbands getting "high" off the rushes (contractions). I want my birth to be a transcendental experience too! I want to get high, tune out and meet God during this holy experience. I think so much of the sacrament of birth has been lost in the techno-medical model of maternity care; it's really a shame. When I tell some people about how I want my birth to be a spiritual, holistic and emotional experience, they kind of just look at me like I have 3 heads. Some people get it though. I wonder why it's so hard for people to understand that hospitals are businesses therefore they do not always have the patient's best interest in mind, i.e. mother and baby. The world is run by economics. People want to get paid. People will not get paid if more and more women stay home to have their babies. Case closed. But people are ignorant; their minds are not capable of opening up to different possibilities of realities. Once your mind is opened, it will just keep opening and receiving truths that may sometimes be hard to fathom. I feel blessed that the knowledge of traditional, non-medicated birth as an option was passed to me. It's not what the mainstream media portrays so I was unaware of my choices in childbirth. The expectation is that you go into labor, you go to the hospital to have your baby. So of course now I am fighting tooth and nail with my insurance company to get them to cover my homebirth midwife at the in-network rate. WHY? Because they do not have any midwives who perform homebirths in-network so effectively I have no choice but to go out-of-network if I want a homebirth. Anyway, enough about that. I have already contacted my employer's benefits department. I hope something will come of that.

In the meantime, I am already plotting and planning my journey to becoming a yummy mummy. I want to do a 5k in February so I plan on starting the Couch to 5k running program 2 weeks postpartum. I plan on doing gentle walking as soon as I feel up to it after the delivery, maybe after a few days. I also have the Winsor Pilates DVDs and I remember when I was doing them consistently, I was getting great results. Six weeks PP, I want to resume weight training and resistance workouts. yeah...I am focused. I think the running/walking combined with the weight training well help get things back together. Hopefully... I don't have any new stretch marks from the pregnancy. I do have some old ones from like junior highschool when I was growing "out" a little bit too fast...LOL!

Ready to Blow!

These photos were taken the day before Labor day. At this point I am in the home stretch of the pregnancy. You know you are in the homestretch when you ask your husband to take the baby out, LOL! Of course, I want the baby to come on or around October 15th as anticipated. I have so much shit to get together in these last weeks; it's crazy how overwhelming it can be. I will be working up until I go into labor. That's pretty intense but I have a lot of stuff that has to be done before I take my leave so I am really trying to get everything squared away sooner rather than later. My mom wants me and the baby to go stay with them 2 weeks after he's born. I told her that we would see because who knows how I will feel. I mean sheesh, 2 week old baby, I am not sure if I am going to feel like changing locations at that point. And meanwhile I just feel like a stuffed christmas pig, ready for slaughter. And I can feel the pressure in my cervix building. Sometimes walking is even a chore. I have been taking the bus more and more when I am in Brooklyn, 8 blocks to the subway station after work has become difficult, especially if I pick up some groceries. It does not help that my back hurts and I change positions all throughout the night. Yes indeed, it will feel really good to have my body back. Pregnancy is cool and all but the changes in the body can be so dramatic. I want to feel sporty again; I hate feeling exhausted after climbing a flight of stairs. I much rather be jogging with the baby in tow enjoying the ride than feeling my belly bouncing along as stroll down the boulevard. And let me tell you right now, this little guy, Bojangles aka BPW, is an active fellow. The stuff I see and feel him doing inside my belly would have received gold in gymnastic floor exercise at this summer's Olympic games! I swear he twists, turns, swivels and sticks his little elbows out all day long and especially at night. I was like "Damn son! I am trying to watch Lord of the Rings:Return of the King and you got my cervix straight trippin' right now!" I wonder how much he weighs now. At my sonogram to confirm his position, he was allegedly 4 pounds and 3 ounces, but we all know that sonogram estimates can be WAY off so I am not putting my money on that. He must be like 5 pounds by now. As long as he's in the 6 pound to 8 pound range, I am cool. I don't want an underweight baby nor do I want a little 10 pound monster! That's a whole lotta baby to push! Wednesday I will be 35 weeks! Craziness! I am so curious about what this little bugger is going to look like. I want him to look like the boy version of me, but who knows what he will look like. He may look like a grandparent or even great grandparent. And I wonder what my labor will be like. My doula says she knows I am going to have a beautiful birth. That is my meditation and mantra. I also know that just like a penis, my vagina can grow large to accommodate the baby and then shrink right back down to its original size. Penises don't stay stretched out of shape after erections; why is there so much mythology surrounded around the size and capabilities of the woman's anatomy, i.e. the vagina and pelvis. I plan on having an ecstatic or even orgasmic birth. I know some people don't think it's possible but I really believe in it. Think of it this way, it's uncomfortable for anything to enter the vagina if the vagina is not engorged with the proper blood flow from arousal. Trying to push a baby forcefully without proper preparation to the cervix will of course cause problems including tearing, burning and discomfort. It's very logical but women following the techno-medical model of maternity care really don't trust their bodies so they allow these doctors to cut them, episiotomy, making a large incision, sometimes vagina to asshole. And trust, that shit hurts! And the recovery is ALOT longer and more painful than even a really bad tear. Here is nice way of visualizing it: take a piece of paper and tear it in half; take another piece of paper and cut it in half with scissors. Now which is easier to match back the pieces? Now imagine it being human tissue... Yeah cringe worthy but necessary in understanding the folly of it all. Ok this little piggy(yeah I feel like a piggy!) is ready to call it a day on the blog. Hurricane Hanna has got me feeling lethargic!
peace!

The Belly has peaked!

No I have never seen a foot stick out like that on my belly. But I have seen other things indicating lots of motion, rolls and squirms. :) I am 33 weeks today and I think my belly is as big as it's going to get. I would have thought my belly would have been monstrous by now, but apparently not. It still a pretty small belly to be 8 months along. I guess it's just my genetics. I know the baby isn't underdeveloped; he's 4 pounds and 3 ounces as of Monday. And he's head down so he's ready for takeoff! It's getting down to the wire and it's kind of crazy that we will have a little boo chilling in like 7 weeks. I have to start getting/ordering all the supplies for the homebirth. My doula is probably going to let me use her birth pool from her store just to try it out. She says she knows that I am going to have a beautiful birth. I think so too even though my mom and my grandmother have launched full on war against my homebirth. I am not really letting it get to me though. They should respect my choice, end of story. I don't plan on discussing it further with either one of them. I had a 5 minute discussion with my grandmother on saturday about it. Boy did she bring the drama! "Your mom told me some disturbing news..." Save it for the stage Granny! Anyway, I haven't heard from her since. I think when I brought up the whole water birth thing, that just pushed her over the edge. My mom knew what she was doing when she told my grandmother. I wasn't even going to tell my grandmother because I knew she would panic and worry herself sick. So my mom launched the sneak attack by tipping her off, knowing damn well she would call me and bring the drama. Unfortunately for my mom, that little stunt is definitely not enough to dissuade me from my planned homebirth. It will go ahead as planned. B and I love our midwife; she is a real sweetie and she keeps it real. I love her nurturing/bossy side too. I was cracking up when she schooled B about how it wasn't just me having the baby, but "we" who were having the baby, hence his attendance during my prenatal exam was mandatory. You should have seen his face, so classic!

First Meeting with the Homebirth Midwife

Today was my first appointment with my home birth midwife. It was great although there were some hairy moments. For example, there is some confusion about my due date so she actually has someone as her back up midwife just in case I go into labor while she is out of town. I will be meeting with the other midwife sometime soon. Other than that everything went just fine. It was kind of cool to have a prenatal exam in the comfort of my own home. No waiting around in a medical office. It felt cool to just hang out in the house while I waited for the midwife to arrive. Now I understand the appeal of a home birth. All the creature comforts so close to you. I definitely know now that I would not want a hospital birth. I can't imagine laboring in a random hospital room. I am feeling really good about laboring with just me, B, the midwife and my doula. I told my mom that I am doing a home birth and she was less than enthused. But she accepts my decision although she did say that she would prefer that I NOT do it. It's going to be so nice just eating and drinking whenever I want to during labor, having the baby(possibly in water) and then falling asleep in my own bed with the baby on my chest. :) Okay I am kind of tired so I will check back another time.

Interview Process with Homebirth Midwives

I am currently well into the process of interviewing homebirth midwives. So far B and I have interviewed 2 and we have one more interview on Monday. Between you and me, the one we interviewed yesterday is our pick, hands down. She is the midwife my doula used and my doula just raves about her. In fact the midwife and the doula rave about each other! We just sensed more of a spiritual and emotional vibe from the 2nd midwife, which we like. B has been really stepping up to the plate in regards to the whole homebirth thing. He made a long list of questions to ask the midwives. I was like "Okay you can run the show! I have pregnancy brain!" LOL! I can't believe we are planning a homebirth; it seems so surreal. I actually really want a waterbirth but we will see how that works out. My doula is the only person I know who has had a homebirth so this is pretty new to both me and B. I know B's family and my family are going to be like "Say what?" when we tell them about our plans. It should be interesting. I think yesterday I was dehydrated or something because this morning I drank like 32 ounces of water in a matter of 20 minutes. It was pretty humid outside yesterday and I did go to the gym but I had a bottle of gatorade with me. I can't workout with weights without some sort of sports drink these days or I feel weak. I am SO excited to be going on vacation! August is really going to be a vacation month for me since it looks like I will be on vacation more days than I will actually work. I need it though! I am almost 7 and a half months and this back pain is no joke! And rush hour subway rides get on my last nerves, especially the evening commute. But people have actually been giving up their seats happily as of late. My bump is undeniable at this point and apparently some people would prefer not to see a pregnant lady suffer through the evils of mass transit. :) The other day when B and I had just finished interviewing with a midwife, we had planned to walk home but my bladder had other plans. We had to end up catching a bus for an embarrassingly short walk home. But I just couldn't take it! I had to get home and FAST! Me and my Snoogle slept pretty well last night although I have to switch positions several times a night. Hopefully I will be able to post some recent pics of my bumpalicious tummy soon!

Family Dinner Time

Yesterday B and I headed to Connecticut to have an early dinner with my parents and my brother. It was really great. My mom was saying that she doesn't want to be called granny. She said the baby is going to call her "mere" and my dad "pere". My dad didn't agree, LOL! My mom even found a bassinet which was really nice since the baby will probably be sleeping in the bedroom for quite sometime. My brother has even agreed to babysit! Will see how that goes...I can't really imagine him changing diapers. I asked my mom if I looked fat...and she said I did! I was like "Um...okay". That is only going to make me work harder in the gym NOW and after the baby is here to get back in shape, better shape than I was before I got pregnant. The topic of winter holiday came up and I know I definitely want to go to Chicago in December because it would be the first time that many of my extended family will see little Bojangles. I know Granny is going to go bananas for him, her first great grand child.
On another note, I am in the process of interviewing homebirth midwives. I have decided that hospital birth is not for me, and if this pregnancy remains low risk, I intend on bringing little Bojangles into the world at home in a small pool of water. B is all for it and will be present to interview with all the midwives. More on that to come...

Maternity Tour at St. Luke's Roosevelt Hospital

Yesterday evening B and I took the maternity tour at St. Luke's Roosevelt Hospital. It was cool because it answered a lot of my questions about giving birth there. But I will say this: I was underwhelmed by the labor and delivery floor and the birthing center. The labor rooms seem tiny and the private and semi-private postpartum rooms seemed tiny as well. The birthing center suites are a nice size, but they don't really look as nice as they are portrayed on the website in the photos. I guess I had romanticized the birthing center but even still I would like to give birth there since it seems like a homebirth would be out of my price range for now. I would probably end up paying 5,000 out of pocket which to me can be better invested in me and my child's future. Unfortunately, none of the homebirth midwives in NYC are in-network for my insurance. For me, I really can't justify the extra cost. So I am staying in-network and working with my midwife. I will see her on Thursday and discuss things further. Right now I just want to focus on my health and it can be hard when people are stressing me out. Stroller choices are stressing me out too! I don't want an ugly Graco travel system! Bump that noise! But I digress, I need to sign up for the "Introduction to the Birthing Center" class and the "Early Discharge from the Birthing Center" class which are mandatory for women who want to use the Birthing Center. Luckily they take place on the same day, 2 hours for each class. I left a message yesterday about registering for the classes. They say that it takes 2 full business days for them to get back to you so hopefully I will hear from them by Thursday. I just ate my lunch and now I feel like having dessert. Yesterday I grabbed some animal cracker from Duane Reade before an afternoon meeting. They were the old school kind in the box with the string handle. And they were good! This is not a pregnancy craving...I just like food and have been known to get excited about rediscovered forgotten treats even pre-prego so this is nothing new! And according to the box, the crackers are a "good source of calcium". I am sold! I will probably jam on over to Duane Reade a little later. Tonight is my first prenatal yoga class, hosted at my doula's baby store, The Stork Store. I need some damn "om" in my life, LOL! Breathe in..Breathe out!