What a day, what a day

Today B and I went out for a simple Babies R Us for some last minute purchases for the baby. Wow, we definitely ended up having an adventure for the day! So we headed to Babies R Us and as we shopped, my back was killing me and I was having other pain elsewhere so after consulting my doula, I called my midwife on her cell. I had already called her home number and left a message describing my pain. I got her voicemail on the cell but a few minutes later she actually called me in response to the message I left at her home number. She asked me about my symptoms and then told me that I needed to leave a "specimen" at a lab so she went online and found a lab that was open on Saturday. So with all the baby stuff in tow, we headed to the Union Square Green Market (after a small detour to Barnes and Noble for B) because I absolutely HAD to have some fromage blanc from this upstate dairy farm that only sells their items on Saturday at Union Square. After weaving through crowds, actually probably waddling from the pain, we found the Tonjes Dairy Farm stand and I got the fromage blanc that I wanted so bad. I used to eat fromage blanc quite a bit when I lived in Paris and I had yet to see it anywhere in the States. So it was a delight when I did an internet search and stumbled upon the small dairy farm that made fromage blanc along with other dairy products. But I digress, i wanted to get some apple cider too but B was like "No cider for you!" LOL! He was just being an ass but we did have stuff to do so we just headed to Whole Foods to get a big bottle of water and some pure, unsweetened cranberry juice. Then we hailed a taxi to get to the lab in the heart of Chinatown. We were the only non-Chinese people there. I had to drink ALOT of water to produce my "specimen". Then with all our heavy bottles from Whole Foods and the stuff from Babies R Us, we attempted to hail a cab. EVERY cab was occupied or off-duty. Finally after about 20 minutes, an off-duty cab driver took pity on us. B pleaded with him to take us to Brooklyn, "my wife is having contractions!" (I wasn't but I WAS in pain!) So even though he needed to drop the cab off in Manhattan, he took us over the bridge back to Brooklyn. I gave him a nice tip and we headed into the building. So in an effort to self medicate, I was drinking cranberry juice like it was my job. BAD IDEA! The combination of acidic cranberry plus my three chinese pastries left my stomach wrecked and I got SO sick! I was violently throwing up and at first I didn't quite make it to the bathroom... :( It was so gross! B helped clean up and I hopped in the shower. I did feel better though because my stomach had been doing somersaults for a couple of hours. Meanwhile, I have had NO labor signs. If I still feel nasty on Monday, I may call out. Everyone will think that I had the baby. Sorry Charlie! Unless I have the baby tomorrow which I guess is possible. But I highly doubt it. I just hope I don't have a kidney infection!

If I could fly...

Right now I wish I could just fly everywhere or float everywhere I need to go. Walking with all this pelvic pressure is SO not fun! Just 10 minutes walking to the subway station is killin' me! And then once I get on the subway, I still need to find a seat to rest my weary pelvis. I wish I had a sign that said "Due Yesterday" or something so that people would understand my urgency in sitting down. Once I get to work, I am okay. I just wish I had a more comfortable chair, like a recliner or something, LOL! Sometimes I take off my boots while I am sitting in my cubicle, I really wish I could walk around the office in house shoes. Oh and I feel like my bladder has shrunk to the size of a pea. Once the bladder is full, I have to waddle on over to the bathroom. I don't waddle otherwise but the pelvic pressure+a full bladder= the duck walk to the loo. I know how important it is to drink water, especially during pregnancy, to avoid dehydration and bloating. But damn the bathroom march is getting to me. Getting up 4 or 5 times during the night is so getting on my nerves! I can't wait until B can join me in all the joys, aches and pains during the "4th trimester", i.e. the baby's first 3-4 months. Right now, all he can do is sympathize with everything I am going through. Sure he helps me in and out of bed sometimes, gets me food and drink, fills up the hot water bottle, etc... But I feel like he really will be sharing the love when the baby is officially here and out. And once a couple of months pass, he will even be able to feed the little prince. We are exclusively breastfeeding BUT I will be pumping and using glass bottles for this little boo. Of course because I am going back to work. We won't introduce the bottle until a couple of months to make sure breastfeeding is well established. After that, everyone else will feed him with a bottle. I won't though. He will only associate me with the straight up breast. I am going to try to breastfeed for 2 years but I will be really proud of myself if I can do 1 year. I am kind of excited about my maternity leave. I think it's going to be a really precious time for me in my life. So yeah, little prince, you have so many people waiting for you! Come on out when you can! Meanwhile, my co-workers look at me like I am a ticking time bomb...LOL! "Oh shit, she's going into labor!" "Head for the hills!" LOL! They see childbirth/labor as an emergency; I don't see it that way at all. This leaves them so befuddled. They look at me like I am nuts! I am very calm and relaxed about it. Even zen. I will admit though, I did get a little weepy the other night. I was really tired and just wanted to comfortably lay down which wasn't really an option at that moment. But hey, pregnancy is an emotional time. B claims I wasn't really emotion or hormonal. Well actually what he said was, I am already really emotional and sensitive so nothing really changed! LOL! Today I slept a little late and rolled into work a little later than usual. I had the realization that rushing to work to sit and twiddle my thumbs in my cubicle really is an exercise in futility. So now I am wondering what is on the menu for lunch... I don't want to pig out like I did yesterday. I was SO hungry! I ate a HUGE veggie burger with lettuce, tomato and cheese and whole bunch of steak fries. I didn't finish it all but I came damn near close! I wasn't hungry for a LONG time after that, probably not until maybe 7pm or so. Oh that little lunchtime binge made for some not-so-nice heartburn. But my super papaya enzymes knocked that right out after I got home. B and I FINALLY got it together and ordered from Fresh Direct. Right now, that's just so much easier than treking over to the grocery store, about 12-15 minutes on foot and then taking a car service home. And I find it better for meal planning because we can really just sit in the living room and meditate on food items we would need for meals as opposed to doing laps of the grocery store with our so-called list and getting frustrated when we draw a blank. Scratch that off the to-do list. So now I really need to just scrub the bathtub/shower, get the throw rugs cleaned and give the refridgerator a good cleaning! The fridge stuff has to happen tonight because Fresh Direct is coming tomorrow morning. Also B and I are doing a final pre-baby swoop of Babies R Us tomorrow afternoon. I need the first aid kit and the baby essentials grooming kit. My doula said some babies come out with fingernails looking like Freddy Krueger!!! I also want to exchange a few things. All and all I am very happy with everything I got as gifts for the baby. The only reason why I am exchanging a few items is because after doing some research, I realize that these items aren't the best ones to have. One item could actually cause harm! So yeah, store credit please! I also want a humidifier but I am so confused about which one to get. You know, opinions are like assholes, everyone's got one! I guess I need to research a little bit more. Ok, that's enough rambling for now!

Back at work and not so comfortable

So I am back at work, back on the grind. It felt good to get a few odds and ends accomplished this morning... But damn...I really am feeling uncomfortable. Sitting in this chair is just not working for me. I really want to just lay down with my Snoogle pillow in the bed and watch a movie. I filled up my hot water bottle to put on my back. That's not really helping. I just feel so much pelvic pressure. I felt awesome this morning on my way to work and when I got to work. I feel really cute today, from my hair to my outfit. My estimated due date is this Wednesday, I can't believe it! And the full moon is coming up so maybe that's what the baby is waiting for! Well now that the living room rug is officially steam vacuumed(since the baby will be here soon, the steam vac thing will become a monthly ritual so that he can play on the rug for tummy time without worry), I am feeling awesome and ready to go! Well kind of... I still need to exchange/buy some things from babies r' us, but I just didn't feel like lugging all the stuff with me this morning. And I want to go the laundry mat and wash these area rugs. Is this nesting? LOL! A sign of impending labor! Oh and I need to get a better, non toxic bath and tile cleaning solution because the Seventh Generation brand is not cutting it! I may try CLR... I want a sparkling bathtub and shower! Tilex is like death in a bottle, all those fumes... I can't and I won't do it! Especially pregnant! If I have to put in a little extra elbow grease, I'll do it. B is going to flip when he sees me bending over the bathtub with a toothbrush, scrubbing away, but oh well. A lady's gotta do what a lady's gotta do. And I want to do a thorough cleaning NOW before the baby comes because who knows when I will have the energy after the little prince arrives!
Oh and I STILL need to make a play list for the labor and delivery! Well at least work is chill and the things left to do only have to do with the home stuff/birth. Yay!

Belly Cast!

No, the above pic of the belly cast is not mine. I am not sure I want to put the impression of my pregnancy bust and gut on full display online for the world to see... If you come over my house you "may" see it hanging on a wall. Last night my doula, with her cute little 11 month old munchkin in tow, came over to do my belly cast. I am really happy with the results! I can't wait until B sands it down and paints it!!!!!

On another note, I keep making lists of things that we need and I feel like there is always more stuff! More on that later...

ETA: My mom seems to think the belly cast is weird... I think that may be a generational thing because I see it as an awesome memento of my pregnancy!

False Alarm

Yesterday B and I headed to Little Neck, Queens for the Apple Festival at the Queens Farm Museum. It was fun but B felt weird because it seemed more of an event for kids although I pointed out to him that I saw lots of couples and just groups of friends there too. I ate some sweet corn on the cob, some popcorn and drank some apple cider. We also bought an apple pie and a half gallon of apple cider to take home. I was feeling not so hot because I was feeling pain all throughout my lower abdomen and wrapping around to my back. It was uncomfortable to walk with all the pressure. B said that I make myself do too much and said I should be home resting. He also said I was like the "Terminator" when it came to cleaning up the apartment on Saturday. I told him I don't want to give birth in a pig sty. Pigs can give birth in a pig sty! LOL! So we only stayed for a bit at the farm and then we headed back to Brooklyn. The whole way there I was suffering. I really thought the baby was ready to come out. We were both like "Oh shit!" because we knew we really weren't prepared for all that right at that time. We have little to no food in the house, especially for during labor. Again, a Fresh Direct order that never was... So we just picked up some water, coconut water, vitamin water, raspberry leaf tea bags and some food at Golden Krust and headed directly to the house. I remembered my midwife telling me that if you are doing too much, that can bring on that feeling of crampiness. What I was feeling was like heavy menstrual cramps. I also heard that dehydration can cause that feeling too and bring on the Braxton Hicks contractions. So I just hoped that when we got home, I could just drink drink drink and all the sensations would go away. I wanted at least one more week to prepare for the baby. One more saturday to stream vac all the rugs in the house and maybe even clean the windows! Just one more saturday to receive the Fresh Direct delivery with all the goodies we need to fill the pantry and fridge. So I crawled into bed with my soya and veggie patties from Golden Krust and a coconut water sitting on the side. I suggested to B that we watch one of our netflix films. As I forced myself to drink all the coconut water and then about half a gallon of water, I felt SO much better. All the contractions and crampiness just went away! I was like "Phew!" I ended up having a vitamin water later in the evening and yet ANOTHER one at like 2 o'clock in the morning. I really must have been dehydrated! Yesterday when I woke up, I drank the last 8 ounces of our bottled water and then had a cup of soymilk before we left the apartment at around 10:30am. And then I didn't drink anything else until we were about to leave the farm at like 1:45pm. So yeah, I paid the price for that folly! I spoke to my doula yesterday and we agreed that she would come over today at 6pm to do my belly cast. I was getting worried about it. She also said last night that if I started having contractions again, to call her no matter what time it was so she could come over and do the cast before I have the baby. I was like "ummmm at like 2 in the morning?" And she said "yes that's what doulas do!" Luckily I didn't need to call in that favor. At 2 o'clock in the morning I was wrestling with my snoogle body pillow, because that's what I do all night long. I change positions, flip it around, hug it from one side, and then switch to the other. It's a never ending drama. I hate side sleeping, I miss my stomach sleeping... Soon enough that will be back in full effect although my doula says for awhile after you have the baby, you panic if you end up on your stomach because you forget that you aren't pregnant anymore! Right now I am trying to figure out if it is worth it to buy a tripod for my video camera to record the birth since I want B to be an active participant OR should I just use that money to get groceries sooner rather than later... hmmmmm..... Maybe I can borrow a tripod from someone? I'll figure it out...

37 weeks and 3 days...and wearing pre-prego jeans!

Yeah today is the first time I have worn jeans, size 6 stretch, since I found out I was pregnant. They fit in the legs but of course they don't zip up at the waist...LOL! I really think the baby is coming a week or so before the expected due date of October 15th. My doula thinks he is coming on the 5th or 6th. B and I feel like he will be making his appearance soon too. B talks to my belly and says "you need to come out, you need to let your mommy eat her own food!" LOL! I was like "um no, he needs to come when he's good and ready, which I hope is closer to the 15th!" But the baby does eat almost all my food. I woke up this morning feeling so famished that I felt weak. I actually had to eat a clementine at like 2 am because I felt so sick and I couldn't fall asleep. My blood sugar dips so low sometimes, I panic because I start feeling really sick really fast. That is why I am so happy I am having a homebirth because unlike in the hospital, I can feel free to eat and drink as I please. I know if I was in labor for a long time and I was in the hospital, I would probably cause a scene because once I get hungry and my blood sugar drops, I can get SO cranky and would probably want to fight a nurse if I asked for food and they gave me ice chips! I don't understand how someone can be in labor for like 16 hours and not eat or drink the whole time! Labor is an endurance event! Anyway I am going to peace out now and just chill! Later!

Baby soon come

The above pics were taken when I was 35 weeks and 6 days. Still trying really hard to be cute. At this point, I am just so anxious because it is like the waiting game now. I will be 37 weeks on Wednesday and I am getting nervous, not because I am afraid of labor, but because labor could happen at any moment. I at least feel relieved that I will be considered full term on Wednesday and that the baby is in the right position, head down. My fears were that the baby would be breech and/or preterm. Now I am just waiting for him to make his appearance. I think I am going to try to make a "birthday cake" for the little one when I first go into labor. I am trying to figure out what type of cake to make. Gluten free and definitely vegan. I figure I can mix all the dry ingredients in advance and put it in the fridge or something. And then once labor hits, I can mix it all up and throw it in the oven. A nice little treat for me, B, the midwife and the doula once the baby gets here. And I guess indirectly a treat for the baby too since technically he will be having it through breast milk. I wonder how long my labor is going to be... It can vary so much; it's probably best not to even ponder that question. I will just go with the flow like I have been this whole pregnancy. I need to write thank you cards to everyone who came to the baby shower and also gave gifts for the baby. My money has been so funny lately and I really wanted to buy a set of thank you cards especially for the baby stuff. So I hope no one is offended! I plan on getting the cards when I get my next paycheck, October 1st. I also plan on getting a deluxe pedicure and manicure too! I want to look good for labor, LOL! I will probably start doing my hair once labor begins, well after I put the cake in the oven. It's good to be distracted and just do things around the house they say. I have read so many birth stories in Spiritual Midwifery and Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. I really liked the ones in Spiritual Midwifery...I want to be spiritually "high" when giving birth. I feel like people think I am nuts for wanting a homebirth and/or no pain relief meds but you know, they are on a different level of consciousness. I can't expect them to understand my choices and my decisions. Today I had an interesting encounter with my parents when they dropped off the bassinet along with some clothes for the baby. Let's just say that the 2 minute encounter probably raised my blood pressure temporarily. Le sigh... I am so bored today; I really had nothing to do except for sleep and barely eat. Nothing good on tv... I hope to make the best of my maternity leave. Take the baby for walks in the park, go to the breastfeeding circle at my doula's baby store, go the Baby Wednesdays at the local cinema... I also will probably try to spend at least 2 weeks at my parents in November. It may feel a little awkward but the idea of being in my childhood home, in the green suburbs of Connecticut, sounds nice. And I won't have to worry about cleaning up, food, etc... And my mom, being the grandma-zilla that she is, will probably come home from work around 3:30-4pm and be excited to spend time with the baby. When I spoke to her on the phone today, she said she would get their treadmill repaired so I could use that while I am there. I told her I would be more inclined to come visit with the baby if the treadmill was in working condition. I NEED to be getting my little cardio in while I am on maternity leave. That with the pilates should be good until I am 6 weeks postpartum. At that point, I should be okay to start doing weight training and resistance again. But whatevs, I will cross that bridge when I get there. Okay so back to my boring Saturday...

Photo updates!

These first two pics our from our little Coney Island adventure last Sunday.

These next two pics are from before work on Tuesday, I was 34 weeks and 6 days.
These last two are from Thursday, 35 weeks and 1 day. Coming in on the homestretch! Ignore the living room chaos, we have a lot of stuff to get together before BPW makes it on the scene!
So it's getting down to the wire now and this little guy is getting bigger by the day. I definitely noticed a big changed in my belly in the past two weeks. And he is so active in the evening; it's incredible watching him get busy. So many people are like "Are you nervous about the birth?" Actually I am not, believe it or not. I am more nervous about afterward...like "okay now we have a baby. What now?" Everything is so real; and I think I am more nervous about getting everything together before he comes. I also really want to make sure I get everything done at my job before I go on leave. I feel a lot of pressure because at this point I know that he could come any day now and be just fine. I know he's probably at least 5 pounds now. And I will be full term, 37 weeks, in a week and half. WOW! Okay so I haven't had breakfast yet so I am going to have to make this a short one! later!

Birth Kit has arrived!

Last night our customized birth kit FINALLY arrived after much anxiety over UPS delivery and someone being around to sign for it. I went through the box a little bit this morning. Looks like everything is in order, including the "Born at Home" birth certificate and cotton onesie that I ordered. Now we just have to purchase the rest of the stuff on the list that our midwife gave us. It just a lot of odds and ends, like towels, washcloths, olive oil, etc...

My mind has been wandering all over the place. I bought "Spiritual Midwifery" the other day and now I am dreaming about what I have been reading. All these "groovy", "far out" birth stories from the 1960s and 1970s from the community known as "The Farm" in Summertown, Tennessee. It's cool to read about these hippy women and their husbands getting "high" off the rushes (contractions). I want my birth to be a transcendental experience too! I want to get high, tune out and meet God during this holy experience. I think so much of the sacrament of birth has been lost in the techno-medical model of maternity care; it's really a shame. When I tell some people about how I want my birth to be a spiritual, holistic and emotional experience, they kind of just look at me like I have 3 heads. Some people get it though. I wonder why it's so hard for people to understand that hospitals are businesses therefore they do not always have the patient's best interest in mind, i.e. mother and baby. The world is run by economics. People want to get paid. People will not get paid if more and more women stay home to have their babies. Case closed. But people are ignorant; their minds are not capable of opening up to different possibilities of realities. Once your mind is opened, it will just keep opening and receiving truths that may sometimes be hard to fathom. I feel blessed that the knowledge of traditional, non-medicated birth as an option was passed to me. It's not what the mainstream media portrays so I was unaware of my choices in childbirth. The expectation is that you go into labor, you go to the hospital to have your baby. So of course now I am fighting tooth and nail with my insurance company to get them to cover my homebirth midwife at the in-network rate. WHY? Because they do not have any midwives who perform homebirths in-network so effectively I have no choice but to go out-of-network if I want a homebirth. Anyway, enough about that. I have already contacted my employer's benefits department. I hope something will come of that.

In the meantime, I am already plotting and planning my journey to becoming a yummy mummy. I want to do a 5k in February so I plan on starting the Couch to 5k running program 2 weeks postpartum. I plan on doing gentle walking as soon as I feel up to it after the delivery, maybe after a few days. I also have the Winsor Pilates DVDs and I remember when I was doing them consistently, I was getting great results. Six weeks PP, I want to resume weight training and resistance workouts. yeah...I am focused. I think the running/walking combined with the weight training well help get things back together. Hopefully... I don't have any new stretch marks from the pregnancy. I do have some old ones from like junior highschool when I was growing "out" a little bit too fast...LOL!

Goodbye Astroland!

Yesterday B and I went to Coney Island to bid Astroland goodbye forever. The Cyclone and the Wonder Wheel will be the only remnants of what was once the main draw to Coney Island, the Astroland Amusement Park. The lines for Nathan's were CRAZY! All we wanted were drinks, and the shortest wait was 25 minutes! I couldn't even take it, standing in the sun, almost 35 weeks pregnant, was making me dizzy so I left B in line while I attempted to find some sort of seat in the shade. All that for old fashioned lemonade! I guess everyone got the memo that Astroland was closing. I was kind of sad when I saw all the little boos on the kiddie rides, I would have liked to have brought our son to Astroland one day. We walked up and down the boardwalk. We sat down a lot too because I was still feeling a little dizzy from the craziness of the Nathan's line. We looked out on the water and talked about our future plans as a complete family with our little boo coming on the scene so soon. B wants us to go on a family vacation to the US Virgin Islands. I can just picture us at the beach with our little guy playing in the sand. I know he will love the sand and sea just like his mommy. :) I know me and the little guy will probably go to Martinique next summer for a couple of weeks so that should be great too. We still don't have a name for him... It's getting down to the wire! We need to figure things out!

Ready to Blow!

These photos were taken the day before Labor day. At this point I am in the home stretch of the pregnancy. You know you are in the homestretch when you ask your husband to take the baby out, LOL! Of course, I want the baby to come on or around October 15th as anticipated. I have so much shit to get together in these last weeks; it's crazy how overwhelming it can be. I will be working up until I go into labor. That's pretty intense but I have a lot of stuff that has to be done before I take my leave so I am really trying to get everything squared away sooner rather than later. My mom wants me and the baby to go stay with them 2 weeks after he's born. I told her that we would see because who knows how I will feel. I mean sheesh, 2 week old baby, I am not sure if I am going to feel like changing locations at that point. And meanwhile I just feel like a stuffed christmas pig, ready for slaughter. And I can feel the pressure in my cervix building. Sometimes walking is even a chore. I have been taking the bus more and more when I am in Brooklyn, 8 blocks to the subway station after work has become difficult, especially if I pick up some groceries. It does not help that my back hurts and I change positions all throughout the night. Yes indeed, it will feel really good to have my body back. Pregnancy is cool and all but the changes in the body can be so dramatic. I want to feel sporty again; I hate feeling exhausted after climbing a flight of stairs. I much rather be jogging with the baby in tow enjoying the ride than feeling my belly bouncing along as stroll down the boulevard. And let me tell you right now, this little guy, Bojangles aka BPW, is an active fellow. The stuff I see and feel him doing inside my belly would have received gold in gymnastic floor exercise at this summer's Olympic games! I swear he twists, turns, swivels and sticks his little elbows out all day long and especially at night. I was like "Damn son! I am trying to watch Lord of the Rings:Return of the King and you got my cervix straight trippin' right now!" I wonder how much he weighs now. At my sonogram to confirm his position, he was allegedly 4 pounds and 3 ounces, but we all know that sonogram estimates can be WAY off so I am not putting my money on that. He must be like 5 pounds by now. As long as he's in the 6 pound to 8 pound range, I am cool. I don't want an underweight baby nor do I want a little 10 pound monster! That's a whole lotta baby to push! Wednesday I will be 35 weeks! Craziness! I am so curious about what this little bugger is going to look like. I want him to look like the boy version of me, but who knows what he will look like. He may look like a grandparent or even great grandparent. And I wonder what my labor will be like. My doula says she knows I am going to have a beautiful birth. That is my meditation and mantra. I also know that just like a penis, my vagina can grow large to accommodate the baby and then shrink right back down to its original size. Penises don't stay stretched out of shape after erections; why is there so much mythology surrounded around the size and capabilities of the woman's anatomy, i.e. the vagina and pelvis. I plan on having an ecstatic or even orgasmic birth. I know some people don't think it's possible but I really believe in it. Think of it this way, it's uncomfortable for anything to enter the vagina if the vagina is not engorged with the proper blood flow from arousal. Trying to push a baby forcefully without proper preparation to the cervix will of course cause problems including tearing, burning and discomfort. It's very logical but women following the techno-medical model of maternity care really don't trust their bodies so they allow these doctors to cut them, episiotomy, making a large incision, sometimes vagina to asshole. And trust, that shit hurts! And the recovery is ALOT longer and more painful than even a really bad tear. Here is nice way of visualizing it: take a piece of paper and tear it in half; take another piece of paper and cut it in half with scissors. Now which is easier to match back the pieces? Now imagine it being human tissue... Yeah cringe worthy but necessary in understanding the folly of it all. Ok this little piggy(yeah I feel like a piggy!) is ready to call it a day on the blog. Hurricane Hanna has got me feeling lethargic!
peace!

Dealing with those who follow the techno-medical model

I am realizing more and more that people in the United States have been completely brainwashed by the techno-medical model of maternity care which has existed for less than 200 years. Did you know that the whole laying back with your legs spread to have the baby is fairly new in the history of the world. People want to know what the big deal is. Why are some people so upset with the hospital model of maternity care? Because it is not focused on the health of the mother and the baby. It's all about economics. Around the turn of the century, the medical community launched a smear campaign against midwives because they wanted women to start having their babies in the hospital. The hospital model of care is very male centered. It's about a patriarchal system telling women that their bodies are naturally incapable of giving birth. It's about stripping the power from women when in fact women have been supporting other women in the beautiful life event that is the birth of a child since the beginning of time. People think that technology has to be part of it. In the techno-medical model of maternity care, pregnancy is classified as a disease and childbirth is a medical emergency. In the midwifery model of care, pregnancy and childbirth is not something that just happens to women; birth is what women do and have done for years. Midwives assume that a woman's body is built for and is capable of delivering a baby naturally and normally. And if you look at the statistics, homebirths that end up in hospital transfer are very low and the amount of infant mortality in homebirths versus hospital births are even lower. Did you know that out of the 23 richest nations in the world, the US is NUMBER ONE in infant mortality??? And apparently Memphis has the highest rate of infant mortality in the US. A baby dies there every 43 hours. I mean that is similar to developing world statistics. And there are so many families who can not afford to bury their deceased infants so the health department has to do mass burials of these babies in a potter's field also referred to as "Babyland". If the US maternity care is working so well, than why are things like this happening in 2008???

"When we give the mother drugs to help her deal with pain, we destroy these natural coping hormones and more importantly, the baby now has no pain-relieving hormones available. The drugs for inducing labor, for pain and anesthesia all go to the baby and eventually interfere, sometimes in a big ways, with how easy it will be for the baby to be born and attach to a breast"- Waterbirth: The Heart and Soul of Gentle Birth, Barbara Harper

To me if you are a low risk pregnancy with no serious preexisting health conditions, choosing medical intervention is pretty selfish. You are putting your baby at risk. Of course emergencies come up and I am glad that in these cases the innovations are available. But when a woman is just left to labor naturally with really good support from her partners, midwives, doulas, family, etc...the outcome is normally fine if not great. Our society has turned childbirth into a medical event. There is nothing emotional or holistic about being stuck on a bed during labor and birth because you can't move around with your epidural. Or being so wacked out by narcotics that you don't even know what's going on while your baby is being born. I don't know if I am going to have anymore children so for me, I am treating this birth like it is the first and last. People act like natural birth means that you just take the pain. That's not it at all. There are so many non-narcotic ways of coping with labor pain: massage, water therapy, different positions, breathing techniques, meditation, acupuncture, visualization, etc... These things don't have possible side effects. People are just not educated. We tell pregnant women not to take drugs or alcohol during their pregnancy YET it is totally acceptable to take strong narcotics during labor that pass right through the placenta directly to the baby. Epidurals pretty much paralyze you from the waist down. Often you don't even feel the urge to push or pee for that matter. Of course if a woman is in a hospital bed in the throes of labor and she is given the option of epidural to the numb the pain or just taking the pain, she is going to choose an epidural. She is not being given any alternative options. And one medical intervention in labor usually leads to another, which can snowball into the mother of all intervention, cesarean section. The rate of c-sections in the US is sky high. It's really a shame. But sometimes I think ignorance is a choice. I did not just wake up knowing what all my childbirth options were; it's been a journey of education that I gladly took not just for my sake, but for the sake of my child. I think the love of your unborn baby is universal across race, class and religion.

First Meeting with the Homebirth Midwife

Today was my first appointment with my home birth midwife. It was great although there were some hairy moments. For example, there is some confusion about my due date so she actually has someone as her back up midwife just in case I go into labor while she is out of town. I will be meeting with the other midwife sometime soon. Other than that everything went just fine. It was kind of cool to have a prenatal exam in the comfort of my own home. No waiting around in a medical office. It felt cool to just hang out in the house while I waited for the midwife to arrive. Now I understand the appeal of a home birth. All the creature comforts so close to you. I definitely know now that I would not want a hospital birth. I can't imagine laboring in a random hospital room. I am feeling really good about laboring with just me, B, the midwife and my doula. I told my mom that I am doing a home birth and she was less than enthused. But she accepts my decision although she did say that she would prefer that I NOT do it. It's going to be so nice just eating and drinking whenever I want to during labor, having the baby(possibly in water) and then falling asleep in my own bed with the baby on my chest. :) Okay I am kind of tired so I will check back another time.

Pregnant Lady versus the Statue of Liberty

So after a meal, two glasses of edensoy milk and a LONG nap, I finally feel like my old self again. As I said in my previous post, today's NYC tourist mission was the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island. Everything was going pretty well from the beginning. Because we had the City Pass ticket, we got in a special line for reserved tickets that was WAY shorter than the regular line. We were on the ferry in probably less than 30 minutes. I was very happy about that. Once we got to Liberty Island, I felt okay with minimal sea sickness. After wandering around the island for a bit, we went into the museum store which was housed under a white tent. That's when things started to get UGLY. The tent was really hot despite the two industrial sized fans. They just blew hot air around really. It was not really that hot outside but inside the tent, it was stuffy and probably like 10 degrees warmer. So I started to feel bad but then I felt okay when we went to the refreshments building and were in the air conditioning for a bit. But then we went BACK to the tent and I could barely stand to be in there for 5 minutes. I went outside to catch a breeze but the sun was beating down on my head so much, I headed for some chairs underneath the shade of some trees. I felt a little better once I sat down but the dizziness would not go away. I think if I had stayed in the tent for any longer I would have passed out, or "fell in the apples" as they say in french. It was then and there when I decided for sure that I was going to have to cut the day short and head home after Ellis Island. I told my friend that she could hang out in Manhattan and that I would give her my cell phone in case of emergency. So she is still out and about as I type this. Which is cool, she has been checking in via cell phone so I don't feel totally in the dark about how she is doing. And I bet it is probably easier to explore without my pregnant behind there. I mean shoooooot... I will be 8 months a week from today; I knew at some point I was going to have to slow down the NYC tourist stuff during my friend's stay. I held on strong for a week but now I need a few easy days. It felt SO good to be in bed before 11pm. I took a nap probably around 7:30 or so. I don't even know, I didn't look at the time before I fell asleep. It also felt great not to be aware of the time; I am constantly on a watch clock with my friend to make sure we get places on time, before they close. So it felt nice to leisurely just kick it in front the television with a plate of salad and soy milk on the side. Okay my back is starting to hurt from typing in this position so I bid you adieu! Until the next time!

It's been a minute-Staycation

For those of you who don't know, a friend of mine from Martinique came into town last Wednesday so I have been busy running around NYC showing her the sites. We have been doing a lot of stuff which is cool since this is my "staycation". I am still mourning my trip to Colombia that was planned for last month but you know being pregnant and all, I couldn't really justify the health risk or the cost. So I will have to postpone my spanish immersion course for another time. I know that Colombia (as far as I know) will always be there and even though some things aren't exactly planned, they are part of a "bigger" plan that we can not always understand. I am going to try to come home earlier than I have been these days and write up an official blog entry. In the meantime please peruse some photos from Sunday's Urban Arts Festival in Clinton Hill, sponsored by BAM and Afro-Punk. ENJOY!







Sorry that last one is sideways, my friend's camera doesn't put them right side up when taking vertical pics I guess. weird... Right now we are getting ready to go to the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island, probably my least favorite touristy sites in the NYC area. I am REALLY not looking forward to visiting this tourist trap but oh well, that's what friends are for, right? LOL! I am kinda sorta going to slow it down after today's activities. I am pulling the pregnant lady card. Walking all over NYC can wear a sister out. I swear the baby is getting a workout and is pretty much taking all of my food. I think everything I eat is going directly to the baby because I haven't put on a pound in like 2 weeks. Which is cool because I was afraid that once I crossed over into the 3rd trimester, I was going to EXPLODE! I am trying to look cute for the baby shower, not bloated! Anyway, let me sign off so I can face my destiny with this freaking Statue of Liberty cruise bullshit!!! At least after today, I know the worst tourist stuff is over, we did the Empire State building the second day my friend was here; it doesn't get any worse than THAT! Guggenheim museum and random shopping is not that bad at all. Later people!

Pregnant Fat Days

Ug...pregnancy is definitely putting me through the wringer in terms of body image. I swear my mother almost feels smug about me being pregnant because of course my body is changing and I am definitely softer than usually despite my regular gym attendance. It's just part of nature's plan. I was telling my best friend about my mom's whole attitude today. I told her that my mother is secretly laughing at me because her whole plan is that she be the sexy mom while I am the frumpy daughter who is carrying around weight from her pregnancy. When I told my mom that in a few months I would be working on the extra 10-15 pounds that would be laying around, she told me I was delusional for thinking it would be just an extra 10 or 15. I was like "Um WHAT?" I will be 30 weeks tomorrow and to date I have only gained 13 pounds. I am thinking that my weight will probably top off at 20 pounds but if it hits 25 pounds, that would still be within range for me according to my pre-pregnancy BMI. Normally new moms lose about 12.5-14 pounds after the birth. So even if I hit 25 pounds, I would not have more than 12.5 pounds left to lose postpartum. I also plan on breastfeeding and easing back into the gym with walking on the treadmill and the elliptical a week or so after the birth. Eventually I want to start running again and do a 5k in February. I just feel really vulnerable right now, I tell myself "well at least your face does not look fat". My mother says I look fat, B says I look like I am pretty much "all belly". I don't know who to believe... My downstairs neighbor said I look great, like one of those "sexy pregnant women". LOL. I just worry everyday, I don't want to be one of those women who just let themselves go after the baby and end up putting on MORE weight once the baby is born. I guess one of my biggest fears is losing control over my weight since for the past 2 years or so I have been really good about my weight and even have achieved new levels in terms of fitness. I was about 4 months into a new, intense fitness regime when I found out I was pregnant. It made sense because my body was looking more fit and toned everywhere except the belly. And my results were happening REALLY slow. I thought I could diet harder, workout harder, do more intervals or go back on a raw food vegan diet or do mostly green juices and the results would come. But alas, the Universe had other plans for me. :) It's still really hard though, as someone who has dealt with body image issues since 12 years old to just relax and let nature do what it has to do. I was appalled last week when I was on the treadmill and I discovered that running was no longer comfortable. Le sigh... Elliptical still feels fine and I have been doing my weight training twice a week theses days, three times a week was draining my energy. Since I am on vacation, I have been going to the aquatic exercise class in the morning the past 2 days. It's me and lots of elderly women and obese women. It's a great form of low impact exercise so I understand why the class demographic is what it is. And we use water weights so I definitely feel the burn. The key is to keep the weights well under the water and that's when you feel that burn and intensity. For now, I just keep telling myself that the fact that I am remaining active throughout this pregnancy will help my postpartum fitness/anti-fatness cause. I secretly want to be one of those moms who emerge 2 months after childbirth, slim and sexy. A girl can dream, can't she?

Interview Process with Homebirth Midwives

I am currently well into the process of interviewing homebirth midwives. So far B and I have interviewed 2 and we have one more interview on Monday. Between you and me, the one we interviewed yesterday is our pick, hands down. She is the midwife my doula used and my doula just raves about her. In fact the midwife and the doula rave about each other! We just sensed more of a spiritual and emotional vibe from the 2nd midwife, which we like. B has been really stepping up to the plate in regards to the whole homebirth thing. He made a long list of questions to ask the midwives. I was like "Okay you can run the show! I have pregnancy brain!" LOL! I can't believe we are planning a homebirth; it seems so surreal. I actually really want a waterbirth but we will see how that works out. My doula is the only person I know who has had a homebirth so this is pretty new to both me and B. I know B's family and my family are going to be like "Say what?" when we tell them about our plans. It should be interesting. I think yesterday I was dehydrated or something because this morning I drank like 32 ounces of water in a matter of 20 minutes. It was pretty humid outside yesterday and I did go to the gym but I had a bottle of gatorade with me. I can't workout with weights without some sort of sports drink these days or I feel weak. I am SO excited to be going on vacation! August is really going to be a vacation month for me since it looks like I will be on vacation more days than I will actually work. I need it though! I am almost 7 and a half months and this back pain is no joke! And rush hour subway rides get on my last nerves, especially the evening commute. But people have actually been giving up their seats happily as of late. My bump is undeniable at this point and apparently some people would prefer not to see a pregnant lady suffer through the evils of mass transit. :) The other day when B and I had just finished interviewing with a midwife, we had planned to walk home but my bladder had other plans. We had to end up catching a bus for an embarrassingly short walk home. But I just couldn't take it! I had to get home and FAST! Me and my Snoogle slept pretty well last night although I have to switch positions several times a night. Hopefully I will be able to post some recent pics of my bumpalicious tummy soon!

Pregnancy Overload

Right now I am sort of feeling overwhelmed by this whole pregnancy thing. Just because I feel like every waking moment something to do with being pregnant has to enter my mind. Hiring and interviewing a midwife, childcare, maternity leave, etc... These are the things that wake me up in the middle of the night. I am banning myself from buying or borrowing anymore pregnancy books, I want to read something that has nothing to do with childbirth and babies. I am in the mood for a good sci-fi novel actually. Only thing that gives me relief lately is the weather; it's nice and cool outside which I love. During the heat wave, I was having trouble sleeping because I was so hot. I even shunned my Snoogle for awhile because I just felt too hot to touch anything. Meanwhile, it seems like I can't get enough sleep. I have been averaging like 10 hours of sleep lately. Tonight I have to go to the gym because I just couldn't get up this morning. As long as I go tonight and tomorrow morning, I will have met my goal for gym attendance for the week. I may even put in extra credit on Saturday morning, for some reason going to the gym on Saturday morning puts me in a great mood. I spoke to my doula for a long time yesterday; she's awesome and I love the fact that she is a young mother; she had her son last October. She really helps me and reassures me. She is having a doctor come and speak at her store about alignment in pregnancy on Saturday afternoon. It's free so I'm game. My back is all messed up, especially the right side. Yesterday, I had a little pregnancy weight gain freak out. I mean it's been so hot lately, I know I was probably retaining some water but I still freaked out. This morning my weight was back to "normal", reflecting a 11.5 weight gain since December/January. I have tried to come to terms with the fact that I may end up gaining as much as 25 pounds, which to me sounds like SO much. According to my BMI before getting pregnant, a 15-25 pounds weight gain would be appropriate for me. I was about 7 pounds overweight before. I was wishing so hard to only gain 15 pounds, but considering I am at the 11.5 mark now with 3 months to go, I can't imagine not getting to at least 20 pounds. It seems like a lot of women end up gaining a lot more than 25 pounds these days due to poor diet, sedentary lifestyle and "cravings", so I guess I should consider myself lucky that I am still in control although I will admit I ate a cookie last night. One cookie and it was really good. One thing I really indulge in on a daily basis is fortified Eden Soymilk. I love it because it is a great source for calcium, folate, B12 and protein. I know protein is something I struggle with so I definitely drink the soymilk pretty liberally; one serving has 11 grams of protein. I also like the carob flavor they sell too. I know some pregnant women eat like a pint of ice cream everyday. I would feel gross if I ate a pint of soy ice cream every night. The baby is squishing my stomach so I feel like stuffing myself with anything would be asking for trouble. I like to feel energized after I eat, not sluggish and bloated. Even drinking too much can cause that not so great feeling. Anyway, it's Thursday, almost the weekend and only one more week after that until I get to take a nice vacation. It's not the wonderful vacation abroad that I had planned but I do intend on making the most of it and doing stuff in the city and its environs and attending summer events that I would normally be too tired to go to. I wonder what's on the menu for lunch today?
Pickles and ice cream is definitely NOT on the menu! Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww! LOL! Later people!

A Day at the Beach

Here's me at Long Beach yesterday. I will be 7 months this coming Wednesday. As you can see, I am still rocking my bikini with pride! It was fun yesterday getting out of the city. It definitely made me think about how much I really don't want to raise my son in the city. I want to have a lawn and backyard for him to play in. I want him to be able to ride his bike in the street. I want him to be able to roll around on grass. I really like city life for just me but for me and my little family, I want a house. I would love to live somewhere kind of country, with fruit bearing trees and a garden. Or it would be nice to live on a somewhat cosmopolitan island, the best of nature mixed with access to arts and cultures. I hear St. Martin is pretty diverse and has a lot of stuff going on. Hopefully in the next few years B and I will have an idea of where we may want to go from here.
Anyway, the beach was fun! We got the one day getaway package to Long Island which included a round trip ticket on the Long Island Railroad and beach admission all for 18 dollars each. We ate junk food on the boardwalk and then hung out on the sand. We only went into the water like twice because it was REALLY cold. Refreshing, yes, but you wouldn't want to just hang out in water at that temperature for long periods of time. After we left the beach, we found this cute little diner across the street from the train station. B had a grilled chicken caesar salad and I had a veggie burger and salad. We both got dessert to go since we didn't want to miss our train. Overall it was a lovely day. I was so pooped when we got home, I went to bed around 10pm. Woke up this morning and went to the gym. I was feeling so good on the elliptical machine, I ended up doing 65 minutes of cardio on it! This week I went to the gym 4 times so I am feeling cool about that. Five times would have been better but oh well. I find myself getting concerned about my every changing figure but I am like "Hey I am pregnant, I can't wear the same things I used to." But I definitely want to keep up the exercise until the day I go into labor and start up my postpartum fitness game plan shortly after delivery. Gradually of course. I will start with walking on the treadmill and eventually build up to running. Weights will be added probably a month or so after the delivery. Anyway, the little boo in my belly wants to eat breakfast so I need to honor his wishes! Later y'all! Oh and by the way, I passed my glucose challenge test with flying colors! Yay! I don't have gestational diabetes!

No more uptown events for me!

Last night I went to an event at the Studio Museum in Harlem for several artists' exhibition openings. So first thing that went wrong was that there was supposed to be catered hors d'heurves and such but I guess at the last minute they decided to go cheap and easy and just do fresh popped popcorn. The non alcoholic beverage choices were only sodas and water. Can a sister get some juice or something? No cranberry and seltzer? booooooooooooooooooo! Anyway, so there I was with B, tired from work yet looking so cute with my new dress on, annoyed because not only wasn't there any food besides popcorn, but there was nowhere really to sit and my back was really aching. All this weight that is going to my belly is really effecting my posture and my back just hurts when I sit or stand for too long. My only relief is the Snoogle and I sure as hell can't be lugging that thing around NYC and curling up with it when I get the urge! What I really need is a prenatal massage, I am totally about to invest in that. I rather use my money for that than maternity clothes that I will probably never where again after October. But I digress, I don't think I can do events far from home in the middle of the week like that anymore. Only if I know there will be seating available, standing for like 2 and a half hours at this stage in the game is painful. And my feet hurt too. I definitely was not amused last night. It felt so good to get home around 11pm and crash. I feel fine today. Woke up this morning and went to the gym to do some cardio. I am trying to keep myself in the gym 4-5 times a week. Okay this post is boring, I am going to stop now before it gets worse!