Ready to Blow!

These photos were taken the day before Labor day. At this point I am in the home stretch of the pregnancy. You know you are in the homestretch when you ask your husband to take the baby out, LOL! Of course, I want the baby to come on or around October 15th as anticipated. I have so much shit to get together in these last weeks; it's crazy how overwhelming it can be. I will be working up until I go into labor. That's pretty intense but I have a lot of stuff that has to be done before I take my leave so I am really trying to get everything squared away sooner rather than later. My mom wants me and the baby to go stay with them 2 weeks after he's born. I told her that we would see because who knows how I will feel. I mean sheesh, 2 week old baby, I am not sure if I am going to feel like changing locations at that point. And meanwhile I just feel like a stuffed christmas pig, ready for slaughter. And I can feel the pressure in my cervix building. Sometimes walking is even a chore. I have been taking the bus more and more when I am in Brooklyn, 8 blocks to the subway station after work has become difficult, especially if I pick up some groceries. It does not help that my back hurts and I change positions all throughout the night. Yes indeed, it will feel really good to have my body back. Pregnancy is cool and all but the changes in the body can be so dramatic. I want to feel sporty again; I hate feeling exhausted after climbing a flight of stairs. I much rather be jogging with the baby in tow enjoying the ride than feeling my belly bouncing along as stroll down the boulevard. And let me tell you right now, this little guy, Bojangles aka BPW, is an active fellow. The stuff I see and feel him doing inside my belly would have received gold in gymnastic floor exercise at this summer's Olympic games! I swear he twists, turns, swivels and sticks his little elbows out all day long and especially at night. I was like "Damn son! I am trying to watch Lord of the Rings:Return of the King and you got my cervix straight trippin' right now!" I wonder how much he weighs now. At my sonogram to confirm his position, he was allegedly 4 pounds and 3 ounces, but we all know that sonogram estimates can be WAY off so I am not putting my money on that. He must be like 5 pounds by now. As long as he's in the 6 pound to 8 pound range, I am cool. I don't want an underweight baby nor do I want a little 10 pound monster! That's a whole lotta baby to push! Wednesday I will be 35 weeks! Craziness! I am so curious about what this little bugger is going to look like. I want him to look like the boy version of me, but who knows what he will look like. He may look like a grandparent or even great grandparent. And I wonder what my labor will be like. My doula says she knows I am going to have a beautiful birth. That is my meditation and mantra. I also know that just like a penis, my vagina can grow large to accommodate the baby and then shrink right back down to its original size. Penises don't stay stretched out of shape after erections; why is there so much mythology surrounded around the size and capabilities of the woman's anatomy, i.e. the vagina and pelvis. I plan on having an ecstatic or even orgasmic birth. I know some people don't think it's possible but I really believe in it. Think of it this way, it's uncomfortable for anything to enter the vagina if the vagina is not engorged with the proper blood flow from arousal. Trying to push a baby forcefully without proper preparation to the cervix will of course cause problems including tearing, burning and discomfort. It's very logical but women following the techno-medical model of maternity care really don't trust their bodies so they allow these doctors to cut them, episiotomy, making a large incision, sometimes vagina to asshole. And trust, that shit hurts! And the recovery is ALOT longer and more painful than even a really bad tear. Here is nice way of visualizing it: take a piece of paper and tear it in half; take another piece of paper and cut it in half with scissors. Now which is easier to match back the pieces? Now imagine it being human tissue... Yeah cringe worthy but necessary in understanding the folly of it all. Ok this little piggy(yeah I feel like a piggy!) is ready to call it a day on the blog. Hurricane Hanna has got me feeling lethargic!
peace!

Pregnant Fat Days

Ug...pregnancy is definitely putting me through the wringer in terms of body image. I swear my mother almost feels smug about me being pregnant because of course my body is changing and I am definitely softer than usually despite my regular gym attendance. It's just part of nature's plan. I was telling my best friend about my mom's whole attitude today. I told her that my mother is secretly laughing at me because her whole plan is that she be the sexy mom while I am the frumpy daughter who is carrying around weight from her pregnancy. When I told my mom that in a few months I would be working on the extra 10-15 pounds that would be laying around, she told me I was delusional for thinking it would be just an extra 10 or 15. I was like "Um WHAT?" I will be 30 weeks tomorrow and to date I have only gained 13 pounds. I am thinking that my weight will probably top off at 20 pounds but if it hits 25 pounds, that would still be within range for me according to my pre-pregnancy BMI. Normally new moms lose about 12.5-14 pounds after the birth. So even if I hit 25 pounds, I would not have more than 12.5 pounds left to lose postpartum. I also plan on breastfeeding and easing back into the gym with walking on the treadmill and the elliptical a week or so after the birth. Eventually I want to start running again and do a 5k in February. I just feel really vulnerable right now, I tell myself "well at least your face does not look fat". My mother says I look fat, B says I look like I am pretty much "all belly". I don't know who to believe... My downstairs neighbor said I look great, like one of those "sexy pregnant women". LOL. I just worry everyday, I don't want to be one of those women who just let themselves go after the baby and end up putting on MORE weight once the baby is born. I guess one of my biggest fears is losing control over my weight since for the past 2 years or so I have been really good about my weight and even have achieved new levels in terms of fitness. I was about 4 months into a new, intense fitness regime when I found out I was pregnant. It made sense because my body was looking more fit and toned everywhere except the belly. And my results were happening REALLY slow. I thought I could diet harder, workout harder, do more intervals or go back on a raw food vegan diet or do mostly green juices and the results would come. But alas, the Universe had other plans for me. :) It's still really hard though, as someone who has dealt with body image issues since 12 years old to just relax and let nature do what it has to do. I was appalled last week when I was on the treadmill and I discovered that running was no longer comfortable. Le sigh... Elliptical still feels fine and I have been doing my weight training twice a week theses days, three times a week was draining my energy. Since I am on vacation, I have been going to the aquatic exercise class in the morning the past 2 days. It's me and lots of elderly women and obese women. It's a great form of low impact exercise so I understand why the class demographic is what it is. And we use water weights so I definitely feel the burn. The key is to keep the weights well under the water and that's when you feel that burn and intensity. For now, I just keep telling myself that the fact that I am remaining active throughout this pregnancy will help my postpartum fitness/anti-fatness cause. I secretly want to be one of those moms who emerge 2 months after childbirth, slim and sexy. A girl can dream, can't she?