Motherhood is glorious

We just got back from spending a week with family in Chicago. It was great! Everyone was so in love with our little one. It was so great sharing my joy with my extended family. My godsister was especially tickled pink to see him. We stayed with my grandmother which was so cool. When my mom was there, we had four generations in the house. I think that is incredible. Our little one is my grandmother's first great grandchild. I am so happy she has lived to see him. She is a young granny so I hope that she will be around to even see him graduate high school. So the flying with an infant experience was pretty good overall. The baby slept pretty much the whole flight on the way to Chicago. On the way back to NYC, he was awake most of the flight but pretty calm. We fed him right before boarding and he fell asleep. Then he work up shortly after take-off, fussing, so we fed him a little bit more and he calmed down. I think pressure was building in his ears. I purposely chose seats in the last row of the plane going both ways. I did some internet research and some parents say the back of the plane is good because you are right near the bathroom and galley so you have room to walk around a bit. This was good on the way there when I had to walk around with him in the baby wrap to lull him back to sleep. Also what's great about the back is that when you deplane, you have lots of time to get all your stuff together and you don't feel the pressure of a huge line of impatient people behind you waiting. I can already tell that he is going to be a great traveler. I am hoping he will be just as good this summer when we go visit friends in Matinik. Everyone was so nice to us in the airport and on the plane. Except for one TSA guy at the security who did not understand that shea butter is NOT a liquid, cream, lotion or gel. I kept telling him that it was a butter that was solid but he didn't understand. The other guy knew what shea butter was and kind of diffused the situtation. You know the whole "3 ounce" rule over liquids, gels and pastes. Somehow we got through with so much water for the baby's formula. And yes I am breastfeeding but I just have to still supplement, although I am working on increasing my supply. Anyway, happy new year!

This Blog WILL Continue!

I am definitely going to continue blogging on this site. I have not blogged in over a week because I have been just admiring my little one and enjoying the ups and downs of motherhood. Right now I have a spare moment because both of my guys, my husband and the baby, are sleeping. The baby is sleeping for like 5-6 hours straight at night so I am feeling renewed and regenerated. We are currently preparing for "Baby's first flight" to Chicago. I am hoping everything goes well. Traveling with a baby can be challenging but I am up to the challenge. I want to take my little one all over the world so I am considering this a little test run. I plan on going to the French West Indies to visit a friend in July, by then it will probably be easier to travel with him; he will be 8 months. Or maybe he will be a terror! There is no way to be certain. I am wondering about what seats we will be getting. Check-in is available 24 hours in advance so I will be right in front of the computer tonight like 10 minutes in advance waiting to check-in. Anything to avoid those lines! And it sucks that you have to pay to check in luggage now! So I am consolidating all three of our baggage into one checked bag and one carry-on. It's 15 dollars to check one-bag one-way. So it's a whopping 30 bucks round trip. It would be 80 if we chose to check two bags. Thank goodness we are staying with my Granny and Granddaddy. I plan on bring maybe 4 outfits and doing laundry! The little one's clothes won't take up too much room. I figure 5 outfits, pj's, diapers, wipes, lap pads, a couple of blankets, his bottles, burp cloths and a hooded towels and we should be good. I did a little research and apparently just back of the wing on the plane is the best place for a family traveling with an infant. We'll see. Anyway I hope everyone has a safe and happy holiday!

Baby Hair, Weight Watchers, the News

My little one is currently asleep on my chest in the Moby Baby wrap. He loves being carried. Babywearing rules! Now back to the subject at hand. My little one started losing his hair at about 3 weeks. And I mean he was really balding. He looked like a middle aged man with male pattern baldness! The front and middle of his head was completely bald and shiny! The pediatrician said it was normal with cradle cap and babies sometimes lose their hair anyway. But now at almost 7 weeks, it has grown back. He still has some original hair in the back though that hasn't fallen out yet. I am wondering if his hair is going to keep growing. My mom and I were looking at my brother's baby pictures and he had a full head of hair from birth! Like more hair than alot of adults! LOL!

So today is my first day of Weight Watchers. I am following the Core program where you do not have to write down everything you eat. You just choose foods from the list and eat until you feel satisfied, not hungry, but not stuffed. It's a pretty much fat-free, sugar free plan with an emphasis on whole, nutrious foods. No crazy diet food, just whole grains, veggies, fruits and dairy/dairy substitutes. I had a fruit smoothie this morning, so far, so good. I went to my first WW meeting this past saturday. It went well. It was great seeing everyone else there, all with the goal of getting to a healthy weight. My first weight loss goal is 10% of my weight. I think it will probably take me a few months to lose it. I just want to lose slow and steady; that way it is more likely to be real weight loss, fat and not water and muscle. Once you get to 10%, they give you a little key chain as a reward for your success. You also get to stand up in front of everyone and talk about what you are doing to get to your weight loss goal. I like the camraderie of the meetings. And the meeting leader is really cool. She actually lost 85 pounds, 215 pounds to 130!!! 50 of those pounds were with Weight Watchers. This week I am really going to get it together. I plan on going to the gym this week 5 times. I am going to go today after B gets home from work. It's so hard getting back into working out when you have a new baby. I just want to spend all my time with him and it's so hard to leave the house. I am just trying to cherish every moment. I know I am probably going to cry the first time I drop him off at the childcare provider. But I digress, if I want to get my body back together, the gym is a must along with the healthy diet. I was so gung-ho about getting back to the gym, but the sleepless night, the crying, the diaper changes and everything else made me pump the brakes a bit. And plus staying with my parents for the week of thanksgiving kind of slowed me down too. But I am determined and motivated. I know consistency and clean eating are the key. I look forward to getting back into running and being a yummy mummy by spring time.

On another note, I find it hard to watch the news these days. I feel like everytime I watch it, something horrible is happening to a child. Now that I have a child, it hits home...HARD! I just feel so bad for the family and cringe at the thought of anything happening to my little one. B said if anyone did anything to our little one, he would end up in jail. I said I would end up in the psych ward. I just can't even imagine it...

The Papa's role

My little guy just went down for a nap after a harrowing morning of crying and screaming. B tries to soothe him while I sleep BUT after like an hour of crying and screaming, I had to give him an A for effort and take over. For whatever reason, he hasn't quite mastered his role as a soother. It's natural for a mother to soothe her baby but for some men it can be a challenge. I was reminded of a poster on a forum I frequent saying that she delayed having a baby for awhile because she couldn't get over the inequality of responsibility between mother and father. I mean purely by biology, the baby depends on the mother more from day 1. Breastfeeding as a prime example. I am realizing this more and more. My own mother makes little remarks sometimes about my father's minimal role in our childhood and how he now has "finally joined the family". She even commented that he probably only changed me and my brother's diapers twice. B claims the baby just feels more comfortable with me as his maman. That I am softer and he is just is more attached to me naturally. I think I am going to develop a 30 minute rule: If B can't successfully soothe the baby in 30 minutes, I will take over. Because an hour of screaming, fussing and crying is horrible. I mean, the stress that put on the baby's nervous system and the stress on me and B... B is getting some well deserved sleep right now. Oh parenthood... Last night we rushed to finish dinner before the baby woke up from his nap. Sometimes we take turns eating while one of us holds the baby. He looks like such a little angel when he sleeps...no one would guess he would be capable of raising such a ruckus! Anyway he is up now so I better hurry up and eat breakfast!

A little over one month!

Saturday marked my little dude's 1 month birthday. B, the baby and I got professional shots done on that day, thanks to my doula's husband. It's hard to believe it's only been one month. Time seems to be moving very slowly actually. Currently I am staying at my parents' house with the baby for the Thanksgiving holiday week. My stay started out pretty good BUT earlier tonight my mom and I got into it for some reason. She felt the need to let me know about all the things I had supposedly done wrong this past year. It didn't take long for the waterworks to come and once they were on, they didn't turn off for like an hour or so. I mean I understand that she wanted to get things off her chest and dialogue but I don't think 1 month postpartum was really the time for that. I am still getting used to motherhood and between the sleep deprivation and the breastfeeding challenges I have had, I have been an emotional rollercoaster. I cry at the drop of a hat. And not to mention that there is a shift in hormones postpartum that affect a new maman's mood of course. My mom knows all this so I don't understand why she would open up a big emotional can of worms NOW... The discussion kind of ended abruptly when she said I couldn't blame her for something and she walked out. Then like an hour later she came back and acted like nothing had happened. I fear the winter holiday because I am already usually stressed out around that time when we visit our extended family in the midwest. But now with baby in tow AND unresolved issues with mom to boot? Recipe for disaster.... But I have to go because I just told my granny today that I was coming and she is so looking forward to seeing the baby along with my godparents and my godsister. So I feel really obligated to go and of course I only see them like once a year so I feel I must go. I mean, I miss them; they are my family. I am counting my lucky stars right now because I came really close to asking my parents if I could travel with them to the midwest, i.e. same flight so that they could help me with my little one. I think that would just be asking for trouble. I am not trying to tempt fate so I am just going to suck it up and go seperately. B and I are are still trying to see if he can come; I would love for him to come since alot of my extended family have not met him and it would be great for all of us to be together during the holiday. (Note: I don't really celebrate Xmas but I recognize it as family togetherness time.) Anyway, I am going to sign off for now and try to relax before my little guy wakes up. :)

3 and a half weeks later...

So I FINALLY have a moment to blog again. Motherhood has been quite the adventure so far. The few moments I have gotten for myself while the little one sleeps have been golden. But so far, I feel okay. Maybe a little overwhelmed and weepy but no depression. Sometimes while the baby is sleeping, I just look at him and I am amazed that I carried him in my belly for 10 months. And 5 of those months I didn't even know he was in there! LOL! Hence this blog. But I digress...He has such a personality. He is so strong and feisty! And he loves being held, like most babies. He is growing everyday; he was such a little guy when he was born, barely 6 pounds. We actually suspect that he was less than 6 pounds and the scale was off but we know for a fact that he was 6 pounds at his 1 week doctor's appointment. So many milestones in such little time...umbilical cord falling off, first checkup, first bath, first diaper change... He will be 1 month next week, I can't believe it. My body is feeling better and better everyday. The end of the pregnancy was so intense for my body. It feels so good going to the bathroom now...LOL! These are things most people take for granted. My worst physical complaint these days is probably sore nipples/breasts and a soft body. I am actually okay with my stomach, it's soft but it's pretty much shrunk down. Now I just need to start working out to get rid of these last 9 pounds of pregnancy weight and then some. I started out about 8 pounds over my personal ideal so I am ready to kick my butt in gear. I am equipped with a Pilates DVD, the couch to 5k program, my almost new sneakers and a brand spanking new ipod. I am eager to have an even better body than I did pre-pregnancy. I need to tone and tighten it up. I know it is going to be challenging but after giving birth naturally with no drugs I feel like I can acheive anything! I am even getting pretty good at one handed typing! haha! Who knew having breakfast, taking a shower, going to the bathroom or even checking e-mail would be such a challenge with a new baby???!!! Now if I could just get the hang of the baby wrap, I could get more things done!

Lil' Dude ON My Belly!

Lil' Dude's Birth Story:

So as some of you may know, I was having contractions on and off for a couple of weeks. Braxton Hicks or pre-labor contractions that were preparing my body for labor. I noticed Sunday evening though that the contractions would wake me out of a deep sleep, which they hadn't been doing before. I stayed home from work Monday and Tuesday to try to cure the UTI that I thought I had.(test came back negative, apparently it was just pressure and discomfort from the baby descending!) Tuesday I noticed the contractions coming regularly but I still thought it was practice contractions. Around 5pm that day, I began talking to my baby and telling him that everyone was waiting for him to come; all of his family, uncles and aunties. So I told him that if he was ready, he should come. I told him that he was welcome and that he could come. I repeated this mantra to him a few times. I had just told my mom earlier in the day that I was ready for the baby to just come so I thought letting the baby know that he was welcome and that everyone was waiting for him could bring on labor. I wanted to see our baby! The suspense was killing me and I definitely wanted a little Libra! B and I went to bed and the contractions were becoming more intense. Hot shower and my hot water bottle were no longer helping. B and I began to think that this may be it so he got up and kind of tidied up the apartment. I text messaged my doula and she told me to try to rest because I would be in for a long tiring labor if I didn't sleep that night. I called her and told her that I just could not sleep; the contractions were too strong. She told me to try. She asked if I had an discharge and I said no. Then I texted her back a little later saying that I did have some brownish, pinkish discharge which must have been my "bloody show". She called my phone and B picked up. She asked him to ask me if I wanted her to come over and I was like "YES!". In the meantime I was feeling no comfort with my Snoogle pregnancy pillow at all and using the hot water bottle was just an exercise in futility. No position felt comfortable. For some reason the only place I sorta felt comfortable was sitting on the toilet believe it or not. Apparently it is very common for women to labor on the toilet. So I kept shuffling back in forth between the bed and the toilet. My doula took a car service over to the apartment and the first thing she did was give me something called "Rescue Remedy", a calming herbal elixir. She said it seemed to calm me down; I couldn't really tell...LOL! Then she said "let's get in the shower." I protested, telling her I had JUST gotten out of the shower and it didn't help. But she insisted and in I went. She told me to move with the contractions and to open my legs to make room for the baby. I was not feeling it at all. Eventually I told her I didn't want to stand anymore so we exited the shower and I made my way back to the Snoogle. I found no solace there. So again I shuffled back to the toilet and went back and forth. My doula was timing the contractions and said that I was probably in early labor. She asked if I wanted her to call the midwife. I said yes. So my doula told her that I was in early labor and that she didn't need to come right away. Then 12 minutes later when we realized that labor had accelerated faster than we thought, she had B call the midwife and tell her to come. My doula asked "Do you want me to tell the Marcy to come?" And I said "YES!" as I struggled to get comfy on the toilet seat. I felt so much pressure, almost like I had to go to the bathroom. Apparently that was rectal pressure from the baby making his way down. When my midwife arrived, I was in the throes of active labor, clinging to the Snoogle pillow in vain. She took my blood pressure and listened to the baby's heartbeat with the Doppler. She remarked that she had to position the stethoscope pretty low, meaning the baby was definitely well engaged into my pelvis. She then said after my next contraction she wanted to check me to see how dilated I was. This was the moment I had been dreading for awhile because I heard anecdotally how much this can hurt. So she checked me and man did that hurt. I couldn't even grin and bear it. She then announced to the surprise of everyone, especially myself, that I was full dilated and ready to push. (Later my midwife explained that I had probably been walking around around somewhat dilated for days or even weeks, hences the fast labor.) "WTF?" I was thinking! I mean I guess I just feared that my labor was going to be this long drawn out thing, based on other mothers' horror stories of their labor and delivery. And at that point I was not getting any rest between contractions because the so-called "rest" period in between did NOT feel like rest because of all the pressure and things going on in my pelvis and back. The whole time, my doula was easing my pain through back massage and foot massage. My mouth was getting so dry from all that heavy breathing too. Sometimes at the peak of a contraction, I felt a sense of panic because I knew that they would just keep coming and that rest was not coming for awhile. My doula kept telling me to talk to my baby and let him know what I wanted. To tell him I loved him. I did tell him. I told him I loved him and to work with my body. I also told him not to hurt his maman! LOL! My doula saw my panic and told me I was safe. Meanwhile, my midwife was observing everything. She was very hands off, which was pretty cool. I didn't really want any unnecessary touch; I even rebuked some of B's well intentioned back rubs! LOL! So my midwife wanted to do ANOTHER internal exam to "show" me how to push. I said no. I figured I could figure out how to push on my own! I definitely didn't want a repeat of what I felt during her first check. So in my bed, with my doula holding one leg up, I began to push. I pushed hard and tried to use the power of the contractions. In between pushes, I appreciated my little breaks. I pushed for 29 minutes and just as I felt a slight burn in my perineum, also known as "the ring of fire", both the doula and my midwife told me to stop pushing. Before I knew it, my midwife pulled this little dude out and there he was, with a funny shaped head, crying in front of me. She put him on my belly and I couldn't believe he was here finally and that my labor and delivery was pretty much over! My doula shuffled back and forth, covering the baby in towels that had been warmed in the oven. The midwife said that the umbilical cord had stopped pulsating and asked if it was okay to clamp and cut the cord. I said yes and she asked B if he wanted to do it. He did and then the baby was moved up toward my chest. Then I asked "How do I know when the placenta is going to come out?" My midwife told me I would feel cramping which I did. I then pushed out the placenta. My doula said that delivering the placenta would feel good and surprisingly it did! Weird... My midwife inspected my placenta and said it was healthy and pretty big. The first mother of my little boo... My doula is dehydrating and encapsulating it for me. I only had a minor tear and it was only to the interior of the perineum apparently, requiring no stitches. Yay! B and I both looked at our little boo; I couldn't believe that he had been living inside me for the past 10 months. I can't believe I pushed him out of my body! It's still very surreal to me. I look at him and I am just amazed! My midwife examined him, weighed him and measured him. He has a slight hernia but other than that he's awesome and healthy. He weighed in at 6 pounds, 2 ounces, a lot less than my midwife had previously estimated. She thought he would have been 7.5-8 pounds. And he was 21 inches long with some big feet! He also has muscles. He's not a pudgey baby at all, more like long and lean. I think he gets the long part from my dad's side of the family and the lean muscles from B. Oh and guess what else? My water NEVER broke. The baby was born in his sac! He was "born in the caul" or "with the caul on his face" as some put it. He's a "caulbearer". According to Wikipedia "In medieval times the appearance of a caul on a newborn baby was seen as a sign of good luck. It was considered an omen that the child was destined for greatness." Crazy, right? My doula said I was the first caul birth she had ever attended. My doula helped initiate breastfeeding. I am still getting the hang of that but I am determined. I still can't believe it. I am a mommy and my son is sleeping as I type this. He is so cute. My mom and B seem to think he looks like my dad. But we will see in the next few months who he favors. He definitely has my nose. But anyway, what a wonderful birth day we had on Wednesday, October 22, 2008 at 4:19 AM!

Sidenote: If I had gone ahead with my previous birth plan, I would have been risked out of the birth center because the baby was "past due" and I would have probably been treated on the regular labor and delivery floor as "high risk" because my amniotic fluid was low and probably put through all sorts of hospital birth intervention drama. My labor and delivery was never an emergency and the baby's heartbeat was strong the whole entire time. I am so glad I had a homebirth and that I chose to give birth without intervention or medication. So many people acted like I was crazy for wanting to have a natural birth and that I would see how unbearable the pain was. I mean yes, there was pain, but I knew that it was temporary and as soon as the little boo was born, it went away for the most part. I have some soreness in my perineum but that's not really a big deal. And I am proud to say that I never screamed or got hysterical during the labor. Very much the opposite of the image of childbirth presented in mainstream media. But anyway, yay natural childbirth and homebirth! P.S.- I may be mentioned in a New York Times Article on homebirth in NYC...stay tuned!

The Little Prince is here!

The little prince was born on October 22, 2008 at 4:19 am! He weighed in at 6 pounds 2 ounces and is 21 inches in length. And he has strong little muscles! He is long and lean! B and I are SO in love with this little boo. He is sleeping as I type this. He's such a cutey! My birth was fast, I had less than 2 hours of active labor. After my midwife came over when we established I was in labor for real, she checked me and to the surprise of all of us, I was already FULLY dilated and ready to push. I was like "WTH???" I couldn't believe it! I pushed for about 29 minutes and then the baby arrived! I had the baby a little less than an hour after the midwife arrived. Usually first time mothers jump the gun with labor because they do not know the signs of imminent birth. I guess I was the opposite. My midwife thinks I was probably walking around partially dilated for days, maybe even weeks! I plan on posting an official birth story soon. Right now I need to take advantage of the little prince's slumber and just relax! :)

What a day, what a day

Today B and I went out for a simple Babies R Us for some last minute purchases for the baby. Wow, we definitely ended up having an adventure for the day! So we headed to Babies R Us and as we shopped, my back was killing me and I was having other pain elsewhere so after consulting my doula, I called my midwife on her cell. I had already called her home number and left a message describing my pain. I got her voicemail on the cell but a few minutes later she actually called me in response to the message I left at her home number. She asked me about my symptoms and then told me that I needed to leave a "specimen" at a lab so she went online and found a lab that was open on Saturday. So with all the baby stuff in tow, we headed to the Union Square Green Market (after a small detour to Barnes and Noble for B) because I absolutely HAD to have some fromage blanc from this upstate dairy farm that only sells their items on Saturday at Union Square. After weaving through crowds, actually probably waddling from the pain, we found the Tonjes Dairy Farm stand and I got the fromage blanc that I wanted so bad. I used to eat fromage blanc quite a bit when I lived in Paris and I had yet to see it anywhere in the States. So it was a delight when I did an internet search and stumbled upon the small dairy farm that made fromage blanc along with other dairy products. But I digress, i wanted to get some apple cider too but B was like "No cider for you!" LOL! He was just being an ass but we did have stuff to do so we just headed to Whole Foods to get a big bottle of water and some pure, unsweetened cranberry juice. Then we hailed a taxi to get to the lab in the heart of Chinatown. We were the only non-Chinese people there. I had to drink ALOT of water to produce my "specimen". Then with all our heavy bottles from Whole Foods and the stuff from Babies R Us, we attempted to hail a cab. EVERY cab was occupied or off-duty. Finally after about 20 minutes, an off-duty cab driver took pity on us. B pleaded with him to take us to Brooklyn, "my wife is having contractions!" (I wasn't but I WAS in pain!) So even though he needed to drop the cab off in Manhattan, he took us over the bridge back to Brooklyn. I gave him a nice tip and we headed into the building. So in an effort to self medicate, I was drinking cranberry juice like it was my job. BAD IDEA! The combination of acidic cranberry plus my three chinese pastries left my stomach wrecked and I got SO sick! I was violently throwing up and at first I didn't quite make it to the bathroom... :( It was so gross! B helped clean up and I hopped in the shower. I did feel better though because my stomach had been doing somersaults for a couple of hours. Meanwhile, I have had NO labor signs. If I still feel nasty on Monday, I may call out. Everyone will think that I had the baby. Sorry Charlie! Unless I have the baby tomorrow which I guess is possible. But I highly doubt it. I just hope I don't have a kidney infection!

If I could fly...

Right now I wish I could just fly everywhere or float everywhere I need to go. Walking with all this pelvic pressure is SO not fun! Just 10 minutes walking to the subway station is killin' me! And then once I get on the subway, I still need to find a seat to rest my weary pelvis. I wish I had a sign that said "Due Yesterday" or something so that people would understand my urgency in sitting down. Once I get to work, I am okay. I just wish I had a more comfortable chair, like a recliner or something, LOL! Sometimes I take off my boots while I am sitting in my cubicle, I really wish I could walk around the office in house shoes. Oh and I feel like my bladder has shrunk to the size of a pea. Once the bladder is full, I have to waddle on over to the bathroom. I don't waddle otherwise but the pelvic pressure+a full bladder= the duck walk to the loo. I know how important it is to drink water, especially during pregnancy, to avoid dehydration and bloating. But damn the bathroom march is getting to me. Getting up 4 or 5 times during the night is so getting on my nerves! I can't wait until B can join me in all the joys, aches and pains during the "4th trimester", i.e. the baby's first 3-4 months. Right now, all he can do is sympathize with everything I am going through. Sure he helps me in and out of bed sometimes, gets me food and drink, fills up the hot water bottle, etc... But I feel like he really will be sharing the love when the baby is officially here and out. And once a couple of months pass, he will even be able to feed the little prince. We are exclusively breastfeeding BUT I will be pumping and using glass bottles for this little boo. Of course because I am going back to work. We won't introduce the bottle until a couple of months to make sure breastfeeding is well established. After that, everyone else will feed him with a bottle. I won't though. He will only associate me with the straight up breast. I am going to try to breastfeed for 2 years but I will be really proud of myself if I can do 1 year. I am kind of excited about my maternity leave. I think it's going to be a really precious time for me in my life. So yeah, little prince, you have so many people waiting for you! Come on out when you can! Meanwhile, my co-workers look at me like I am a ticking time bomb...LOL! "Oh shit, she's going into labor!" "Head for the hills!" LOL! They see childbirth/labor as an emergency; I don't see it that way at all. This leaves them so befuddled. They look at me like I am nuts! I am very calm and relaxed about it. Even zen. I will admit though, I did get a little weepy the other night. I was really tired and just wanted to comfortably lay down which wasn't really an option at that moment. But hey, pregnancy is an emotional time. B claims I wasn't really emotion or hormonal. Well actually what he said was, I am already really emotional and sensitive so nothing really changed! LOL! Today I slept a little late and rolled into work a little later than usual. I had the realization that rushing to work to sit and twiddle my thumbs in my cubicle really is an exercise in futility. So now I am wondering what is on the menu for lunch... I don't want to pig out like I did yesterday. I was SO hungry! I ate a HUGE veggie burger with lettuce, tomato and cheese and whole bunch of steak fries. I didn't finish it all but I came damn near close! I wasn't hungry for a LONG time after that, probably not until maybe 7pm or so. Oh that little lunchtime binge made for some not-so-nice heartburn. But my super papaya enzymes knocked that right out after I got home. B and I FINALLY got it together and ordered from Fresh Direct. Right now, that's just so much easier than treking over to the grocery store, about 12-15 minutes on foot and then taking a car service home. And I find it better for meal planning because we can really just sit in the living room and meditate on food items we would need for meals as opposed to doing laps of the grocery store with our so-called list and getting frustrated when we draw a blank. Scratch that off the to-do list. So now I really need to just scrub the bathtub/shower, get the throw rugs cleaned and give the refridgerator a good cleaning! The fridge stuff has to happen tonight because Fresh Direct is coming tomorrow morning. Also B and I are doing a final pre-baby swoop of Babies R Us tomorrow afternoon. I need the first aid kit and the baby essentials grooming kit. My doula said some babies come out with fingernails looking like Freddy Krueger!!! I also want to exchange a few things. All and all I am very happy with everything I got as gifts for the baby. The only reason why I am exchanging a few items is because after doing some research, I realize that these items aren't the best ones to have. One item could actually cause harm! So yeah, store credit please! I also want a humidifier but I am so confused about which one to get. You know, opinions are like assholes, everyone's got one! I guess I need to research a little bit more. Ok, that's enough rambling for now!

40 weeks today...and still pregnant

No, the baby isn't hear yet. Let's make that clear. Everyone is blowing up the phone, asking me if he is here...Um no. Today is the estimated due date but you know, sonograms can be inaccurate and full term is technically from 37-42 weeks. So I still have 2 weeks until the baby would be considered "post-term". I am sitting here at work, chillin'. My boss came over to see if I was here. Yup, still here, twiddling my thumbs, taking care of any little business that comes up during the day. I saw my midwife this morning. The baby's heartbeat was so clear today. He's got a strong little heart. :) My midwife estimates that the baby will be 7 and half to 8 pounds. That's pretty good. My midwife also has a new assistant; I have to decide whether or not I am okay with her attending my birth. I'll think about it... Anyway, just chillin', waiting for the little prince to come out and say hi!

Back at work and not so comfortable

So I am back at work, back on the grind. It felt good to get a few odds and ends accomplished this morning... But damn...I really am feeling uncomfortable. Sitting in this chair is just not working for me. I really want to just lay down with my Snoogle pillow in the bed and watch a movie. I filled up my hot water bottle to put on my back. That's not really helping. I just feel so much pelvic pressure. I felt awesome this morning on my way to work and when I got to work. I feel really cute today, from my hair to my outfit. My estimated due date is this Wednesday, I can't believe it! And the full moon is coming up so maybe that's what the baby is waiting for! Well now that the living room rug is officially steam vacuumed(since the baby will be here soon, the steam vac thing will become a monthly ritual so that he can play on the rug for tummy time without worry), I am feeling awesome and ready to go! Well kind of... I still need to exchange/buy some things from babies r' us, but I just didn't feel like lugging all the stuff with me this morning. And I want to go the laundry mat and wash these area rugs. Is this nesting? LOL! A sign of impending labor! Oh and I need to get a better, non toxic bath and tile cleaning solution because the Seventh Generation brand is not cutting it! I may try CLR... I want a sparkling bathtub and shower! Tilex is like death in a bottle, all those fumes... I can't and I won't do it! Especially pregnant! If I have to put in a little extra elbow grease, I'll do it. B is going to flip when he sees me bending over the bathtub with a toothbrush, scrubbing away, but oh well. A lady's gotta do what a lady's gotta do. And I want to do a thorough cleaning NOW before the baby comes because who knows when I will have the energy after the little prince arrives!
Oh and I STILL need to make a play list for the labor and delivery! Well at least work is chill and the things left to do only have to do with the home stuff/birth. Yay!

Hmmmmm, is this waiting game going to end?

So I woke up this morning and I haven't had any contractions yet. I am kind of like, "Hmmmmm, is this for real or what?" Does labor start and stop like that? Were the consistent contractions that began on Thursday morning and pretty much went up until this morning just Braxton Hicks??? I mean I thought the definition of Braxton Hicks was that were NOT consistent... Le sigh.... I feel like the boy who cried wolf... I didn't think it was a false alarm because I was very well hydrated, resting and still experience consistent contractions. And I lost my mucous plug. Well I guess we will see what the day brings. I really thought the baby was coming this weekend but now I don't think so. I will probably go back to work on Monday. boooooooooooooooooooooo!

The baby is coming soon!

So my instincts were right, the baby is definitely on his way! I have been having contractions since yesterday morning and they continued through the night. And I just lost my mucous plug this morning so that's a sign too. B called out of work, I am glad it's a friday so we have the whole weekend ahead of us. Wow our little boo is on his way! More updates later...

Contractions all day!

FYI: I have been having contractions all day! I am 39 weeks and 1 day and I am not sure if this is real labor or what. I have been well hydrated today and most of the day I have been sitting on my behind in front of the computer so.... We'll see!

Belly Cast!

No, the above pic of the belly cast is not mine. I am not sure I want to put the impression of my pregnancy bust and gut on full display online for the world to see... If you come over my house you "may" see it hanging on a wall. Last night my doula, with her cute little 11 month old munchkin in tow, came over to do my belly cast. I am really happy with the results! I can't wait until B sands it down and paints it!!!!!

On another note, I keep making lists of things that we need and I feel like there is always more stuff! More on that later...

ETA: My mom seems to think the belly cast is weird... I think that may be a generational thing because I see it as an awesome memento of my pregnancy!

False Alarm

Yesterday B and I headed to Little Neck, Queens for the Apple Festival at the Queens Farm Museum. It was fun but B felt weird because it seemed more of an event for kids although I pointed out to him that I saw lots of couples and just groups of friends there too. I ate some sweet corn on the cob, some popcorn and drank some apple cider. We also bought an apple pie and a half gallon of apple cider to take home. I was feeling not so hot because I was feeling pain all throughout my lower abdomen and wrapping around to my back. It was uncomfortable to walk with all the pressure. B said that I make myself do too much and said I should be home resting. He also said I was like the "Terminator" when it came to cleaning up the apartment on Saturday. I told him I don't want to give birth in a pig sty. Pigs can give birth in a pig sty! LOL! So we only stayed for a bit at the farm and then we headed back to Brooklyn. The whole way there I was suffering. I really thought the baby was ready to come out. We were both like "Oh shit!" because we knew we really weren't prepared for all that right at that time. We have little to no food in the house, especially for during labor. Again, a Fresh Direct order that never was... So we just picked up some water, coconut water, vitamin water, raspberry leaf tea bags and some food at Golden Krust and headed directly to the house. I remembered my midwife telling me that if you are doing too much, that can bring on that feeling of crampiness. What I was feeling was like heavy menstrual cramps. I also heard that dehydration can cause that feeling too and bring on the Braxton Hicks contractions. So I just hoped that when we got home, I could just drink drink drink and all the sensations would go away. I wanted at least one more week to prepare for the baby. One more saturday to stream vac all the rugs in the house and maybe even clean the windows! Just one more saturday to receive the Fresh Direct delivery with all the goodies we need to fill the pantry and fridge. So I crawled into bed with my soya and veggie patties from Golden Krust and a coconut water sitting on the side. I suggested to B that we watch one of our netflix films. As I forced myself to drink all the coconut water and then about half a gallon of water, I felt SO much better. All the contractions and crampiness just went away! I was like "Phew!" I ended up having a vitamin water later in the evening and yet ANOTHER one at like 2 o'clock in the morning. I really must have been dehydrated! Yesterday when I woke up, I drank the last 8 ounces of our bottled water and then had a cup of soymilk before we left the apartment at around 10:30am. And then I didn't drink anything else until we were about to leave the farm at like 1:45pm. So yeah, I paid the price for that folly! I spoke to my doula yesterday and we agreed that she would come over today at 6pm to do my belly cast. I was getting worried about it. She also said last night that if I started having contractions again, to call her no matter what time it was so she could come over and do the cast before I have the baby. I was like "ummmm at like 2 in the morning?" And she said "yes that's what doulas do!" Luckily I didn't need to call in that favor. At 2 o'clock in the morning I was wrestling with my snoogle body pillow, because that's what I do all night long. I change positions, flip it around, hug it from one side, and then switch to the other. It's a never ending drama. I hate side sleeping, I miss my stomach sleeping... Soon enough that will be back in full effect although my doula says for awhile after you have the baby, you panic if you end up on your stomach because you forget that you aren't pregnant anymore! Right now I am trying to figure out if it is worth it to buy a tripod for my video camera to record the birth since I want B to be an active participant OR should I just use that money to get groceries sooner rather than later... hmmmmm..... Maybe I can borrow a tripod from someone? I'll figure it out...

38 Weeks and 4 days

Right now we are playing the waiting game. Wondering when this little boo will decide he's ready to leave the womb. I feel pretty prepared at this point for the homebirth. The only thing we have to do is stock up on food. B and I were supposed to be getting Fresh Direct delivery but for reasons I don't feel like getting into, that did not happen. But we did stock up on paper good supplies and we also did a pretty good job of cleaning the apartment. We washed all the towels and sheets too. And we washed all the necessary baby clothes, burp cloths, etc... So at least I don't worry about the baby being naked! We ordered natural biodegradable diapers (the only ones on the market!) in bulk online along with natural wipes and a baby care starter kit. Hopefully everything will come in a few days. I really wanted to do cloth diapers but the fact that I live in a brownstone without any washer/dryer REALLY does not make it seem realistic for me. Yeah they have portable washers but realistically, me working full-time, I don't think I would be able to keep up with the washing of the diapers. Babies can use up to 70 diapers a week... For me the biodegradable diapers by Nature babycare is my compromise. At least I can feel good about these diapers because they don't take 1,000 years to biodegrade like most diapers. And they also do not use chemicals and toxic gels like Pampers and Huggies brands. So I can be eco-friendly and good to my baby at the same time. I need to take some more pictures while I still have this little belly. I bought a 2 gig camera card so I am going to have the motherload of pics of me and the baby. Today B and I are going to the apple festival at the Queens Farm Museum. We also planning on picking our own pumpkin! I love stuff like that... I am such a New England girl at heart!

37 weeks and 3 days...and wearing pre-prego jeans!

Yeah today is the first time I have worn jeans, size 6 stretch, since I found out I was pregnant. They fit in the legs but of course they don't zip up at the waist...LOL! I really think the baby is coming a week or so before the expected due date of October 15th. My doula thinks he is coming on the 5th or 6th. B and I feel like he will be making his appearance soon too. B talks to my belly and says "you need to come out, you need to let your mommy eat her own food!" LOL! I was like "um no, he needs to come when he's good and ready, which I hope is closer to the 15th!" But the baby does eat almost all my food. I woke up this morning feeling so famished that I felt weak. I actually had to eat a clementine at like 2 am because I felt so sick and I couldn't fall asleep. My blood sugar dips so low sometimes, I panic because I start feeling really sick really fast. That is why I am so happy I am having a homebirth because unlike in the hospital, I can feel free to eat and drink as I please. I know if I was in labor for a long time and I was in the hospital, I would probably cause a scene because once I get hungry and my blood sugar drops, I can get SO cranky and would probably want to fight a nurse if I asked for food and they gave me ice chips! I don't understand how someone can be in labor for like 16 hours and not eat or drink the whole time! Labor is an endurance event! Anyway I am going to peace out now and just chill! Later!

37 weeks today!

Yay! The baby is officially full term! Wondering when he will make his debut... I think we have the majority of the things we need for the homebirth. Definitely all the necessities. A few odds and ends remain. We still need to wash all the baby clothes. We have a good amount. Lots of jammies! Still can't believe B and I are having a little boo! It's really mind blowing. I am the first out of my inner circle to take the plunge; it's cool but weird too because I feel like the spotlight is on me. I love attention but sometimes I feel like separated or isolated from others because I am going through something new to me and completely foreign to them. And even though I am of an age where a surprise pregnancy(unplanned but wanted) is not like a life destroyer, I still feel so young, you know? And I did say I wanted to have a baby before 30 so I guess someone out there or up there was listening...LOL! So I am feeling a lot more zen lately because I have completed the majority of my projects at work in anticipation of maternity leave. I have definitely been on my grind lately trying to do anything and everything I think should keep things fairly calm during my absence. I have a meeting with the bossman tomorrow morning. Hopefully that is not too painful. I am actually not looking forward to it because I feel like I already covered everything so I am worred he is going to bring up stuff that will further stress me out. But oh well, we will cross that bridge when we get there! In the meantime, I am starvin' like marvin' and did not bring my lunch today! booooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Baby soon come

The above pics were taken when I was 35 weeks and 6 days. Still trying really hard to be cute. At this point, I am just so anxious because it is like the waiting game now. I will be 37 weeks on Wednesday and I am getting nervous, not because I am afraid of labor, but because labor could happen at any moment. I at least feel relieved that I will be considered full term on Wednesday and that the baby is in the right position, head down. My fears were that the baby would be breech and/or preterm. Now I am just waiting for him to make his appearance. I think I am going to try to make a "birthday cake" for the little one when I first go into labor. I am trying to figure out what type of cake to make. Gluten free and definitely vegan. I figure I can mix all the dry ingredients in advance and put it in the fridge or something. And then once labor hits, I can mix it all up and throw it in the oven. A nice little treat for me, B, the midwife and the doula once the baby gets here. And I guess indirectly a treat for the baby too since technically he will be having it through breast milk. I wonder how long my labor is going to be... It can vary so much; it's probably best not to even ponder that question. I will just go with the flow like I have been this whole pregnancy. I need to write thank you cards to everyone who came to the baby shower and also gave gifts for the baby. My money has been so funny lately and I really wanted to buy a set of thank you cards especially for the baby stuff. So I hope no one is offended! I plan on getting the cards when I get my next paycheck, October 1st. I also plan on getting a deluxe pedicure and manicure too! I want to look good for labor, LOL! I will probably start doing my hair once labor begins, well after I put the cake in the oven. It's good to be distracted and just do things around the house they say. I have read so many birth stories in Spiritual Midwifery and Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. I really liked the ones in Spiritual Midwifery...I want to be spiritually "high" when giving birth. I feel like people think I am nuts for wanting a homebirth and/or no pain relief meds but you know, they are on a different level of consciousness. I can't expect them to understand my choices and my decisions. Today I had an interesting encounter with my parents when they dropped off the bassinet along with some clothes for the baby. Let's just say that the 2 minute encounter probably raised my blood pressure temporarily. Le sigh... I am so bored today; I really had nothing to do except for sleep and barely eat. Nothing good on tv... I hope to make the best of my maternity leave. Take the baby for walks in the park, go to the breastfeeding circle at my doula's baby store, go the Baby Wednesdays at the local cinema... I also will probably try to spend at least 2 weeks at my parents in November. It may feel a little awkward but the idea of being in my childhood home, in the green suburbs of Connecticut, sounds nice. And I won't have to worry about cleaning up, food, etc... And my mom, being the grandma-zilla that she is, will probably come home from work around 3:30-4pm and be excited to spend time with the baby. When I spoke to her on the phone today, she said she would get their treadmill repaired so I could use that while I am there. I told her I would be more inclined to come visit with the baby if the treadmill was in working condition. I NEED to be getting my little cardio in while I am on maternity leave. That with the pilates should be good until I am 6 weeks postpartum. At that point, I should be okay to start doing weight training and resistance again. But whatevs, I will cross that bridge when I get there. Okay so back to my boring Saturday...

Photo updates!

These first two pics our from our little Coney Island adventure last Sunday.

These next two pics are from before work on Tuesday, I was 34 weeks and 6 days.
These last two are from Thursday, 35 weeks and 1 day. Coming in on the homestretch! Ignore the living room chaos, we have a lot of stuff to get together before BPW makes it on the scene!
So it's getting down to the wire now and this little guy is getting bigger by the day. I definitely noticed a big changed in my belly in the past two weeks. And he is so active in the evening; it's incredible watching him get busy. So many people are like "Are you nervous about the birth?" Actually I am not, believe it or not. I am more nervous about afterward...like "okay now we have a baby. What now?" Everything is so real; and I think I am more nervous about getting everything together before he comes. I also really want to make sure I get everything done at my job before I go on leave. I feel a lot of pressure because at this point I know that he could come any day now and be just fine. I know he's probably at least 5 pounds now. And I will be full term, 37 weeks, in a week and half. WOW! Okay so I haven't had breakfast yet so I am going to have to make this a short one! later!

Just wanted to post this pic! LOL!

Sorry but this pic is hilarious! I just scanned it from the book "Spiritual Midwifery" by Ina May Gaskin. That baby's look is so classic. If my baby gives me a look like that, I probably will LOL and then feed him.

Birth Kit has arrived!

Last night our customized birth kit FINALLY arrived after much anxiety over UPS delivery and someone being around to sign for it. I went through the box a little bit this morning. Looks like everything is in order, including the "Born at Home" birth certificate and cotton onesie that I ordered. Now we just have to purchase the rest of the stuff on the list that our midwife gave us. It just a lot of odds and ends, like towels, washcloths, olive oil, etc...

My mind has been wandering all over the place. I bought "Spiritual Midwifery" the other day and now I am dreaming about what I have been reading. All these "groovy", "far out" birth stories from the 1960s and 1970s from the community known as "The Farm" in Summertown, Tennessee. It's cool to read about these hippy women and their husbands getting "high" off the rushes (contractions). I want my birth to be a transcendental experience too! I want to get high, tune out and meet God during this holy experience. I think so much of the sacrament of birth has been lost in the techno-medical model of maternity care; it's really a shame. When I tell some people about how I want my birth to be a spiritual, holistic and emotional experience, they kind of just look at me like I have 3 heads. Some people get it though. I wonder why it's so hard for people to understand that hospitals are businesses therefore they do not always have the patient's best interest in mind, i.e. mother and baby. The world is run by economics. People want to get paid. People will not get paid if more and more women stay home to have their babies. Case closed. But people are ignorant; their minds are not capable of opening up to different possibilities of realities. Once your mind is opened, it will just keep opening and receiving truths that may sometimes be hard to fathom. I feel blessed that the knowledge of traditional, non-medicated birth as an option was passed to me. It's not what the mainstream media portrays so I was unaware of my choices in childbirth. The expectation is that you go into labor, you go to the hospital to have your baby. So of course now I am fighting tooth and nail with my insurance company to get them to cover my homebirth midwife at the in-network rate. WHY? Because they do not have any midwives who perform homebirths in-network so effectively I have no choice but to go out-of-network if I want a homebirth. Anyway, enough about that. I have already contacted my employer's benefits department. I hope something will come of that.

In the meantime, I am already plotting and planning my journey to becoming a yummy mummy. I want to do a 5k in February so I plan on starting the Couch to 5k running program 2 weeks postpartum. I plan on doing gentle walking as soon as I feel up to it after the delivery, maybe after a few days. I also have the Winsor Pilates DVDs and I remember when I was doing them consistently, I was getting great results. Six weeks PP, I want to resume weight training and resistance workouts. yeah...I am focused. I think the running/walking combined with the weight training well help get things back together. Hopefully... I don't have any new stretch marks from the pregnancy. I do have some old ones from like junior highschool when I was growing "out" a little bit too fast...LOL!

Goodbye Astroland!

Yesterday B and I went to Coney Island to bid Astroland goodbye forever. The Cyclone and the Wonder Wheel will be the only remnants of what was once the main draw to Coney Island, the Astroland Amusement Park. The lines for Nathan's were CRAZY! All we wanted were drinks, and the shortest wait was 25 minutes! I couldn't even take it, standing in the sun, almost 35 weeks pregnant, was making me dizzy so I left B in line while I attempted to find some sort of seat in the shade. All that for old fashioned lemonade! I guess everyone got the memo that Astroland was closing. I was kind of sad when I saw all the little boos on the kiddie rides, I would have liked to have brought our son to Astroland one day. We walked up and down the boardwalk. We sat down a lot too because I was still feeling a little dizzy from the craziness of the Nathan's line. We looked out on the water and talked about our future plans as a complete family with our little boo coming on the scene so soon. B wants us to go on a family vacation to the US Virgin Islands. I can just picture us at the beach with our little guy playing in the sand. I know he will love the sand and sea just like his mommy. :) I know me and the little guy will probably go to Martinique next summer for a couple of weeks so that should be great too. We still don't have a name for him... It's getting down to the wire! We need to figure things out!

Ready to Blow!

These photos were taken the day before Labor day. At this point I am in the home stretch of the pregnancy. You know you are in the homestretch when you ask your husband to take the baby out, LOL! Of course, I want the baby to come on or around October 15th as anticipated. I have so much shit to get together in these last weeks; it's crazy how overwhelming it can be. I will be working up until I go into labor. That's pretty intense but I have a lot of stuff that has to be done before I take my leave so I am really trying to get everything squared away sooner rather than later. My mom wants me and the baby to go stay with them 2 weeks after he's born. I told her that we would see because who knows how I will feel. I mean sheesh, 2 week old baby, I am not sure if I am going to feel like changing locations at that point. And meanwhile I just feel like a stuffed christmas pig, ready for slaughter. And I can feel the pressure in my cervix building. Sometimes walking is even a chore. I have been taking the bus more and more when I am in Brooklyn, 8 blocks to the subway station after work has become difficult, especially if I pick up some groceries. It does not help that my back hurts and I change positions all throughout the night. Yes indeed, it will feel really good to have my body back. Pregnancy is cool and all but the changes in the body can be so dramatic. I want to feel sporty again; I hate feeling exhausted after climbing a flight of stairs. I much rather be jogging with the baby in tow enjoying the ride than feeling my belly bouncing along as stroll down the boulevard. And let me tell you right now, this little guy, Bojangles aka BPW, is an active fellow. The stuff I see and feel him doing inside my belly would have received gold in gymnastic floor exercise at this summer's Olympic games! I swear he twists, turns, swivels and sticks his little elbows out all day long and especially at night. I was like "Damn son! I am trying to watch Lord of the Rings:Return of the King and you got my cervix straight trippin' right now!" I wonder how much he weighs now. At my sonogram to confirm his position, he was allegedly 4 pounds and 3 ounces, but we all know that sonogram estimates can be WAY off so I am not putting my money on that. He must be like 5 pounds by now. As long as he's in the 6 pound to 8 pound range, I am cool. I don't want an underweight baby nor do I want a little 10 pound monster! That's a whole lotta baby to push! Wednesday I will be 35 weeks! Craziness! I am so curious about what this little bugger is going to look like. I want him to look like the boy version of me, but who knows what he will look like. He may look like a grandparent or even great grandparent. And I wonder what my labor will be like. My doula says she knows I am going to have a beautiful birth. That is my meditation and mantra. I also know that just like a penis, my vagina can grow large to accommodate the baby and then shrink right back down to its original size. Penises don't stay stretched out of shape after erections; why is there so much mythology surrounded around the size and capabilities of the woman's anatomy, i.e. the vagina and pelvis. I plan on having an ecstatic or even orgasmic birth. I know some people don't think it's possible but I really believe in it. Think of it this way, it's uncomfortable for anything to enter the vagina if the vagina is not engorged with the proper blood flow from arousal. Trying to push a baby forcefully without proper preparation to the cervix will of course cause problems including tearing, burning and discomfort. It's very logical but women following the techno-medical model of maternity care really don't trust their bodies so they allow these doctors to cut them, episiotomy, making a large incision, sometimes vagina to asshole. And trust, that shit hurts! And the recovery is ALOT longer and more painful than even a really bad tear. Here is nice way of visualizing it: take a piece of paper and tear it in half; take another piece of paper and cut it in half with scissors. Now which is easier to match back the pieces? Now imagine it being human tissue... Yeah cringe worthy but necessary in understanding the folly of it all. Ok this little piggy(yeah I feel like a piggy!) is ready to call it a day on the blog. Hurricane Hanna has got me feeling lethargic!
peace!

The Belly has peaked!

No I have never seen a foot stick out like that on my belly. But I have seen other things indicating lots of motion, rolls and squirms. :) I am 33 weeks today and I think my belly is as big as it's going to get. I would have thought my belly would have been monstrous by now, but apparently not. It still a pretty small belly to be 8 months along. I guess it's just my genetics. I know the baby isn't underdeveloped; he's 4 pounds and 3 ounces as of Monday. And he's head down so he's ready for takeoff! It's getting down to the wire and it's kind of crazy that we will have a little boo chilling in like 7 weeks. I have to start getting/ordering all the supplies for the homebirth. My doula is probably going to let me use her birth pool from her store just to try it out. She says she knows that I am going to have a beautiful birth. I think so too even though my mom and my grandmother have launched full on war against my homebirth. I am not really letting it get to me though. They should respect my choice, end of story. I don't plan on discussing it further with either one of them. I had a 5 minute discussion with my grandmother on saturday about it. Boy did she bring the drama! "Your mom told me some disturbing news..." Save it for the stage Granny! Anyway, I haven't heard from her since. I think when I brought up the whole water birth thing, that just pushed her over the edge. My mom knew what she was doing when she told my grandmother. I wasn't even going to tell my grandmother because I knew she would panic and worry herself sick. So my mom launched the sneak attack by tipping her off, knowing damn well she would call me and bring the drama. Unfortunately for my mom, that little stunt is definitely not enough to dissuade me from my planned homebirth. It will go ahead as planned. B and I love our midwife; she is a real sweetie and she keeps it real. I love her nurturing/bossy side too. I was cracking up when she schooled B about how it wasn't just me having the baby, but "we" who were having the baby, hence his attendance during my prenatal exam was mandatory. You should have seen his face, so classic!

Dealing with those who follow the techno-medical model

I am realizing more and more that people in the United States have been completely brainwashed by the techno-medical model of maternity care which has existed for less than 200 years. Did you know that the whole laying back with your legs spread to have the baby is fairly new in the history of the world. People want to know what the big deal is. Why are some people so upset with the hospital model of maternity care? Because it is not focused on the health of the mother and the baby. It's all about economics. Around the turn of the century, the medical community launched a smear campaign against midwives because they wanted women to start having their babies in the hospital. The hospital model of care is very male centered. It's about a patriarchal system telling women that their bodies are naturally incapable of giving birth. It's about stripping the power from women when in fact women have been supporting other women in the beautiful life event that is the birth of a child since the beginning of time. People think that technology has to be part of it. In the techno-medical model of maternity care, pregnancy is classified as a disease and childbirth is a medical emergency. In the midwifery model of care, pregnancy and childbirth is not something that just happens to women; birth is what women do and have done for years. Midwives assume that a woman's body is built for and is capable of delivering a baby naturally and normally. And if you look at the statistics, homebirths that end up in hospital transfer are very low and the amount of infant mortality in homebirths versus hospital births are even lower. Did you know that out of the 23 richest nations in the world, the US is NUMBER ONE in infant mortality??? And apparently Memphis has the highest rate of infant mortality in the US. A baby dies there every 43 hours. I mean that is similar to developing world statistics. And there are so many families who can not afford to bury their deceased infants so the health department has to do mass burials of these babies in a potter's field also referred to as "Babyland". If the US maternity care is working so well, than why are things like this happening in 2008???

"When we give the mother drugs to help her deal with pain, we destroy these natural coping hormones and more importantly, the baby now has no pain-relieving hormones available. The drugs for inducing labor, for pain and anesthesia all go to the baby and eventually interfere, sometimes in a big ways, with how easy it will be for the baby to be born and attach to a breast"- Waterbirth: The Heart and Soul of Gentle Birth, Barbara Harper

To me if you are a low risk pregnancy with no serious preexisting health conditions, choosing medical intervention is pretty selfish. You are putting your baby at risk. Of course emergencies come up and I am glad that in these cases the innovations are available. But when a woman is just left to labor naturally with really good support from her partners, midwives, doulas, family, etc...the outcome is normally fine if not great. Our society has turned childbirth into a medical event. There is nothing emotional or holistic about being stuck on a bed during labor and birth because you can't move around with your epidural. Or being so wacked out by narcotics that you don't even know what's going on while your baby is being born. I don't know if I am going to have anymore children so for me, I am treating this birth like it is the first and last. People act like natural birth means that you just take the pain. That's not it at all. There are so many non-narcotic ways of coping with labor pain: massage, water therapy, different positions, breathing techniques, meditation, acupuncture, visualization, etc... These things don't have possible side effects. People are just not educated. We tell pregnant women not to take drugs or alcohol during their pregnancy YET it is totally acceptable to take strong narcotics during labor that pass right through the placenta directly to the baby. Epidurals pretty much paralyze you from the waist down. Often you don't even feel the urge to push or pee for that matter. Of course if a woman is in a hospital bed in the throes of labor and she is given the option of epidural to the numb the pain or just taking the pain, she is going to choose an epidural. She is not being given any alternative options. And one medical intervention in labor usually leads to another, which can snowball into the mother of all intervention, cesarean section. The rate of c-sections in the US is sky high. It's really a shame. But sometimes I think ignorance is a choice. I did not just wake up knowing what all my childbirth options were; it's been a journey of education that I gladly took not just for my sake, but for the sake of my child. I think the love of your unborn baby is universal across race, class and religion.

Maday! Maday! Maday! Meltdown Imminent!

I am not even back at the office yet and I am already in panic mode. I get like this every so often when I am feeling overwhelmed. I am just reminding myself that every time I panic about some sort of task, work or school related, I always ended up successfully completing it. My adrenaline just starts pumping overtime and I start panicking about things. Hence why I am up on a Sunday morning at 6 typing in my office. I am pretty much worn out and anything that requires that I leave the house today is pretty much the bane of my existence. I have a childbirth preparation class in like 4 hours which I WAS looking forward to but after yesterday in the Bronx at the zoo race walking to every exhibit, I feel DRAINED! And to make matters worse, once we got back from the Bronx, we had to go grocery shopping for dinner. I started having a meltdown in the street when we had done most of the shopping and then arrived at the fish market only to see it closing. So I was cranky because I was looking forward to some fried red or yellow snapper. I was really like yelling in the street. Dinner for me lacked protein significantly unfortunately. boooooooooooooooooo! Seriously, last night was like pregnant lady on the brink of insanity. I think the next couple of months are going to be work, home, sleep, repeat. Except for a possible trip to Fort Tyron Park for a picnic. It's so beautiful up there, I really want to spend the day there at least once before the baby comes. Yeah he is still "the baby" or Bojangles, another point of stress. We don't have a name. And we also are still battling it out over the circumcision issue. I also don't have a pediatrician yet... Oh boy, SOS! SOS! Let me not step onto this slippery slope. I don't want to sit here and ponder all the things that I am nervous/anxious about. Interestingly enough the actual birth is not even on that list. I am pretty zen about that. Okay, time for a little juice. Later people.

First Meeting with the Homebirth Midwife

Today was my first appointment with my home birth midwife. It was great although there were some hairy moments. For example, there is some confusion about my due date so she actually has someone as her back up midwife just in case I go into labor while she is out of town. I will be meeting with the other midwife sometime soon. Other than that everything went just fine. It was kind of cool to have a prenatal exam in the comfort of my own home. No waiting around in a medical office. It felt cool to just hang out in the house while I waited for the midwife to arrive. Now I understand the appeal of a home birth. All the creature comforts so close to you. I definitely know now that I would not want a hospital birth. I can't imagine laboring in a random hospital room. I am feeling really good about laboring with just me, B, the midwife and my doula. I told my mom that I am doing a home birth and she was less than enthused. But she accepts my decision although she did say that she would prefer that I NOT do it. It's going to be so nice just eating and drinking whenever I want to during labor, having the baby(possibly in water) and then falling asleep in my own bed with the baby on my chest. :) Okay I am kind of tired so I will check back another time.

Pregnant Lady versus the Statue of Liberty

So after a meal, two glasses of edensoy milk and a LONG nap, I finally feel like my old self again. As I said in my previous post, today's NYC tourist mission was the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island. Everything was going pretty well from the beginning. Because we had the City Pass ticket, we got in a special line for reserved tickets that was WAY shorter than the regular line. We were on the ferry in probably less than 30 minutes. I was very happy about that. Once we got to Liberty Island, I felt okay with minimal sea sickness. After wandering around the island for a bit, we went into the museum store which was housed under a white tent. That's when things started to get UGLY. The tent was really hot despite the two industrial sized fans. They just blew hot air around really. It was not really that hot outside but inside the tent, it was stuffy and probably like 10 degrees warmer. So I started to feel bad but then I felt okay when we went to the refreshments building and were in the air conditioning for a bit. But then we went BACK to the tent and I could barely stand to be in there for 5 minutes. I went outside to catch a breeze but the sun was beating down on my head so much, I headed for some chairs underneath the shade of some trees. I felt a little better once I sat down but the dizziness would not go away. I think if I had stayed in the tent for any longer I would have passed out, or "fell in the apples" as they say in french. It was then and there when I decided for sure that I was going to have to cut the day short and head home after Ellis Island. I told my friend that she could hang out in Manhattan and that I would give her my cell phone in case of emergency. So she is still out and about as I type this. Which is cool, she has been checking in via cell phone so I don't feel totally in the dark about how she is doing. And I bet it is probably easier to explore without my pregnant behind there. I mean shoooooot... I will be 8 months a week from today; I knew at some point I was going to have to slow down the NYC tourist stuff during my friend's stay. I held on strong for a week but now I need a few easy days. It felt SO good to be in bed before 11pm. I took a nap probably around 7:30 or so. I don't even know, I didn't look at the time before I fell asleep. It also felt great not to be aware of the time; I am constantly on a watch clock with my friend to make sure we get places on time, before they close. So it felt nice to leisurely just kick it in front the television with a plate of salad and soy milk on the side. Okay my back is starting to hurt from typing in this position so I bid you adieu! Until the next time!

It's been a minute-Staycation

For those of you who don't know, a friend of mine from Martinique came into town last Wednesday so I have been busy running around NYC showing her the sites. We have been doing a lot of stuff which is cool since this is my "staycation". I am still mourning my trip to Colombia that was planned for last month but you know being pregnant and all, I couldn't really justify the health risk or the cost. So I will have to postpone my spanish immersion course for another time. I know that Colombia (as far as I know) will always be there and even though some things aren't exactly planned, they are part of a "bigger" plan that we can not always understand. I am going to try to come home earlier than I have been these days and write up an official blog entry. In the meantime please peruse some photos from Sunday's Urban Arts Festival in Clinton Hill, sponsored by BAM and Afro-Punk. ENJOY!







Sorry that last one is sideways, my friend's camera doesn't put them right side up when taking vertical pics I guess. weird... Right now we are getting ready to go to the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island, probably my least favorite touristy sites in the NYC area. I am REALLY not looking forward to visiting this tourist trap but oh well, that's what friends are for, right? LOL! I am kinda sorta going to slow it down after today's activities. I am pulling the pregnant lady card. Walking all over NYC can wear a sister out. I swear the baby is getting a workout and is pretty much taking all of my food. I think everything I eat is going directly to the baby because I haven't put on a pound in like 2 weeks. Which is cool because I was afraid that once I crossed over into the 3rd trimester, I was going to EXPLODE! I am trying to look cute for the baby shower, not bloated! Anyway, let me sign off so I can face my destiny with this freaking Statue of Liberty cruise bullshit!!! At least after today, I know the worst tourist stuff is over, we did the Empire State building the second day my friend was here; it doesn't get any worse than THAT! Guggenheim museum and random shopping is not that bad at all. Later people!

Pregnant Fat Days

Ug...pregnancy is definitely putting me through the wringer in terms of body image. I swear my mother almost feels smug about me being pregnant because of course my body is changing and I am definitely softer than usually despite my regular gym attendance. It's just part of nature's plan. I was telling my best friend about my mom's whole attitude today. I told her that my mother is secretly laughing at me because her whole plan is that she be the sexy mom while I am the frumpy daughter who is carrying around weight from her pregnancy. When I told my mom that in a few months I would be working on the extra 10-15 pounds that would be laying around, she told me I was delusional for thinking it would be just an extra 10 or 15. I was like "Um WHAT?" I will be 30 weeks tomorrow and to date I have only gained 13 pounds. I am thinking that my weight will probably top off at 20 pounds but if it hits 25 pounds, that would still be within range for me according to my pre-pregnancy BMI. Normally new moms lose about 12.5-14 pounds after the birth. So even if I hit 25 pounds, I would not have more than 12.5 pounds left to lose postpartum. I also plan on breastfeeding and easing back into the gym with walking on the treadmill and the elliptical a week or so after the birth. Eventually I want to start running again and do a 5k in February. I just feel really vulnerable right now, I tell myself "well at least your face does not look fat". My mother says I look fat, B says I look like I am pretty much "all belly". I don't know who to believe... My downstairs neighbor said I look great, like one of those "sexy pregnant women". LOL. I just worry everyday, I don't want to be one of those women who just let themselves go after the baby and end up putting on MORE weight once the baby is born. I guess one of my biggest fears is losing control over my weight since for the past 2 years or so I have been really good about my weight and even have achieved new levels in terms of fitness. I was about 4 months into a new, intense fitness regime when I found out I was pregnant. It made sense because my body was looking more fit and toned everywhere except the belly. And my results were happening REALLY slow. I thought I could diet harder, workout harder, do more intervals or go back on a raw food vegan diet or do mostly green juices and the results would come. But alas, the Universe had other plans for me. :) It's still really hard though, as someone who has dealt with body image issues since 12 years old to just relax and let nature do what it has to do. I was appalled last week when I was on the treadmill and I discovered that running was no longer comfortable. Le sigh... Elliptical still feels fine and I have been doing my weight training twice a week theses days, three times a week was draining my energy. Since I am on vacation, I have been going to the aquatic exercise class in the morning the past 2 days. It's me and lots of elderly women and obese women. It's a great form of low impact exercise so I understand why the class demographic is what it is. And we use water weights so I definitely feel the burn. The key is to keep the weights well under the water and that's when you feel that burn and intensity. For now, I just keep telling myself that the fact that I am remaining active throughout this pregnancy will help my postpartum fitness/anti-fatness cause. I secretly want to be one of those moms who emerge 2 months after childbirth, slim and sexy. A girl can dream, can't she?