My Hair Is Finally Growing Back!

I suffered from postpartum hair loss. I mean I really suffered! My hairline was completely destroyed. It thinned out considerably around 4 months postpartum and it was VERY noticeable, at least to me. I didn't even want to wear my hair up because it was just so thin in the front! But now as I approach the 7 months postpartum mark, my hair is growing back. I was getting scared that it wouldn't grow back and that I would have to cut my locks off and start off from scratch! So now I can wear my ponytails and buns with confidence. I was getting sick of wearing my hair down. I have noticed thinning all over my head but I have decided to not worry about it since my hair is in fact growing back. So now that that situation is under control, I need to get this weight situation under control. It's hard to admit but I have actually gained like 8 pounds since my little one was born! I weigh about the same that I did when I graduated college but I am very disappointed in myself. I feel like a stranger in my own body. But I have decided enough is enough. Now that my little one is sleeping better at night, I need to force myself to get up at 6 in the morning and put in some time at the gym. It is pretty intimidating going back. I just feel like after being such a gym rat before, going back so completely out of shape and starting from square one is just really hard. But I have done it before and I can do it again. I just want to get my life back under control which includes my body, mind and spirit. Day in and day out my life has been revolving around my baby and I need to remember to set time aside for myself too. I have been trying to be better about eating. I have been getting smoothies a lot lately which I love. Especially with a good amount of spirulina in them. I need to just get all the ingredients and make them at home. And I need to start cooking more often. I don't think I remember the last time I cooked. B has been sorta taking care of the dinner thing but he's a carnivore so it's hard sometimes. I am usually so exhausted mentally from sitting in front of a computer all day that I just want to sit around and chill when I get home. I think if I could get myself to the gym like 5 times a week just doing cardio to start with and cooking maybe twice a week, that would do wonders for my self-esteem and my spirit. I am prone to depression and I was actually shocked when I didn't develop postpartum depression. But I feel myself getting blue as of late and I just need to shake things up and become proactive. I want to set a good example too for my little guy. He has started eating solids so I want to put myself in a good place nutritionally so that we can eventually share meals. Right now he eats bananas cut in half, small sweet potatoes whole or baked wedges, broccoli and apple sauce. I need to do some grocery shopping for him soon so that I can continue to give him a variety of things to eat. We just give him finger food type things. We are skipping purees except for apple sauce. And I have been feeding him almost exclusively organic except for that one time I was eating canteloupe and he just seemed like he wanted some. Oh well! Anyway, little man will be 7 months on the 22nd! Hoorah!

Little Guy Will Be Six Months on Wednesday!

So my little guy will be 6 months on wednesday! I haven't blogged in like a month. I feel like life is just moving so fast and my head is spinning! Last night we tried to get him started on solids. It just became one big mess! It wasn't an epic FAIL because he did eat a little of the avocado we gave him. Enough to give us a little burp afterward. He made a funny face though when he was gumming the avocado. Like "Mommy what the heck is this mushy stuff in my mouth???" LOL! We actually are doing a method called baby led weaning where you skip the purees and spoon feeding and let the baby learn how to feed himself with appropriate fingerfood. I am reading the book "Baby Led Weaning". I don't think I will be following it to the letter but loosely applying it to our little guy. My husband thinks I am nuts. He doesn't understand why we can't just mash up some food and give it to him. I want to at least try the BLW method out. Our little guy puts everything in his mouth: our dreadlocks, remote controls, tables, fingers, sheets, etc...the list goes on and on. So I figure he can try sweet potato fries and broccoli too and sample the different flavors. He gets excited everytime me or my husband eat. It was hilarious watching him get super excited when my husband came and sat down near him with a huge plate of oxtails and candied sweet potatoes. To him it probably just looks like some new toys to play with. He is going to be vegetarian for at least awhile anyway. I may introduce fish with scales to him when he is 2 or 3 years old. I haven't decided yet. I eat mostly vegetarian and eat fish/seafood only occasionally. My mom is probably going to want me to give him cereal now but I plan on holding off on that too. She claims giving him oatmeal in his formula at night will make him sleep longer. Sorry mom but that is an epic FAIL! According to everything I have read, there is no correlation between solids and sleep. Some babies sleep through the night early on and some don't. I myself didn't sleep through the night until I was 2 years old. My poor mom! LOL! She must have been going bananas!
Today is such a beautiful day out. Luckily I was able to do lunch with my two guys and walk around a bit. I also bought organic sweet potatoes and organic broccoli for the little guy. Apparently those are good first foods. I will probably try to give him avocado again in a few weeks. And next time maybe I won't use one that is so ripe! The little guy was squishing the avocado in his hands and getting it all over his face, in his eyes, on the high chair. Fortunately it wiped clean so it was not too bad cleaning up. I can't wait to go home and hang out with my boys! It's friday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Balancing Act

So everyday I drop my little one off at the in-home care provider, I am torn. I want to be at home with him so bad but I need to work to support our family. I have been researching different opportunities and seems that the only solid and reliable job opportunities out there for stay at home moms are medical transcription positions. But that requires a training course that costs about 2,000 dollars. I could use my tax return refund for it but I don't know if I it would be prudent to blow it all on a training course in these economic times. I mean I would be investing in me and my family's future and the healthcare industry is always growing. It's a pretty recession proof job too; people (unfortunately) will always be sick and need care. Part of me thinks this is a great opportunity but than the other part of me is like "Dude, you've got a bachelor's degree and a master's degree! Are you crazy!" Motherhood sure is a balancing act. I mean just yesterday I got an initial phone screening interview for a position that I would LOVE to get. It would mean traveling up to 30% of the time though. International traveling. I want to find a career that I love but I also want to be there for my dear baby. Decisions, decisions. I want it all, you know? I don't think it's fair that in our society it's like I am being forced to make a decision about what will be my priority. My family will always be my priority but I also want to thrive as an individual in the world too. And having a steady salary and benefits are so important in this day and age. Part of me wishes I lived in Europe where healthcare is universal and people are expected and encouraged to take long vacations in the summer; in France it's normally 6 weeks!!! They really savor the idea of "working to live" rather than "living to work" which is all too familiar here in the United States. I am definitely a work to live type person. I rush home at the end of the day and savor the time with B and the baby. And I live weekend to weekend. It's always a sad time for me on Sunday evening when I know I have to face another week of work. Work is fine but I have such a wanderlust; I rather be living it up somewhere far, far away much closer to the equator. But alas, that is not my reality nor do I anticipate it to be any time in the near future. At this point I am just hoping to find a job that is salaried with benefits. If said job would also let me work from home a couple of days a week and give me at least 22 vacation days a year, that would be even better. Or better yet, how about someone just pay me a stipend every month just for living and breathing... Like 3,000 bucks a month or something. Yeah let me wake up from my dream of being a trust fund kid! LOL! Anyway, back to the daily grind. :)

Life With Babe

It's hard to believe my little one is almost 4 months now! It seems like only yesterday that I was a week overdue and wondering when the chocolate bun was going to finally come out. Sometime I just look at him and I am amazed that I carried him in my belly for 41 weeks! He's getting so big! He must be like 14 pounds now. And somehow it's getting easier and easier for me to tote him around town in my Moby Wrap. This kid is definitely an urban baby. Last night he slept pretty well; lately he's been fussing and wiggling a lot at night. My parents came to visit him on saturday and that was fun. My mom was so enthused to see him that she scared him! LOL! He kept crying with her but was totally chill with my laid back dad. She was annoyed! She can't wait to start keeping him overnight. We both agreed when he starts eating solids (at 6 months, end of April) that she can take him for the weekend. She will probably do every other weekend. We'll see. That's great news for me and B because we obviously never have time for ourselves. I can't wait to go out to eat, just the two of us. Go out and have a glass of wine and hang out in a lounge. We are still young but since the baby was born, we act like two old people, going to bed really early and staying in the house a lot. The weather is going to be nice this weekend so I definitely want to go to the park or something with the young babe.
We miss cuddling in the bed since our little guy sleeps in between us. We try to put him in his bassinet to no avail. He just feels comfortable sleeping with his parents. I totally understand but it would be nice maybe once a week if he stayed in the bassinet. Sometimes we can get him to start out the night there but when he starts crying in the middle of the night, he ends up back in the bed with us where he quickly falls back asleep.
Tonight me and B are going out to eat with baby in tow. I don't know why B is so weirded out about bringing a baby to a restaurant. Parents need to eat too! I have already taken the little one out to eat twice, the first time he was only 2 months old and he was fine. Second time was a little over a month ago and again, no incident. Plus we are going at the 6 o'clock hour so it won't be crowded at all. It will definitely be interesting when the little one gets old enough to actually eat when we go out! A little less than two months until he starts solids. I plan on making my own baby food and using organic jar food as a backup. My mom already told me "I'm not making any food." Um okay...I figured I would just send him with some already made food and some jars for backup. Anyway, that's all for now! Thank you to the 3 people who actually follow this blog. I appreciate your readership! :)

Newly Motivated

So spring time is approaching and I am newly motivated. I want to be a good example to my son so I decided that I am going to stop making excuses and just do what needs to be done. I am doing Weight Watchers on my own now; I may join the "At Work" meetings in March. I am also going to squeeze in 30-40 minutes of gym time at least 4 times a week. We have to work hard for what we want and with a wedding coming up, summer vacation and possibly re-entry into the dance company, I need to get a grip. I know I will never be model thin, but I want to get back to my comfortable weight. I was dancing around the other day and it was evident that I am still out of shape. I am snacking on grapes right now. I decided to cut out the processed snacks, even if they are vegetarian, low-fat and/or low cal. I am focusing on fresh veggies and fruits. My godsister worked on a "look book" for me because I mentioned to her over the winter holiday that I wanted to revamp and make myself over postpartum. I REFUSE to buy any clothes for my new look until I have lost like 10 pounds. That would put me back in a definite size 8. I have decided that size 6 is probably not a natural size for me. When I got down to a size 6 when I was training for a 10k road race, I was working out 5-6 times a week, running and spinning. I was also on a raw food vegan diet. Although I was very healthy at that time, I just can't see myself going raw vegan again. I became very obsessed with food and the diet and I think it was messing with my mind. So I rather do something like Weight Watchers where I can eat what I want within my points and exercise the weight off. I mean maybe one day I will get back down to a 6 but it will be slower and more gradual than the last time.
On another note, my little peanut will be 4 months at the end of next week! I have started reading different books about vegetarian babies and baby's first meals. I plan on making his food whenever I can and sending organic jar baby food when I have to. I figure if I am leaving him with my parents on a weekend, I could send the homemade stuff along with some jars just in case. There are so many different theories about when and how to start babies on solids. Outside of the US, many cultures start babies on solids at 3 months. From what I've heard, it's pretty standard to start babies in the US at 6 months. I plan on starting my little one of solids at the end of April. It's going to be so interesting seeing him take his first taste of real food. I am thinking avocado, banana and sweet potato may be his first foods. I need to do more research though. He will definitely be purely vegetarian for awhile. I may eventually add fish with scales to his diet, but not until he is maybe 3 or 4 years old.

Control Pantyhose are a girl's best friend

So between work and the baby, I am finding it so hard to squeeze in exercise. I wanted to have lost all my pregnancy weight by now but after I pick up my little one from daycare and come home, all I want to do is hang out with my family. I know, I know, I could just leave for 45 minutes and do a quick workout but I am just drained when I get home. Dinner, a movie and my two guys are all I want to do. So now I am a solid size 10, up from an 8. Some people can't notice but I can when I look at myself naked in the mirror. Oh what pregnancy does to the body. I feel so much pressure to get the weight off by springtime. Plus my best friend is getting married and wedding pictures are forever. If I could just take off 10 pounds by the end of May, I would be happy. It's totally possible to do in a healthy way, even with breastfeeding. But I quit Weight Watchers to save some cash and now I am wishing I didn't because all their online features and tools were really helping me. I am hoping if B and I get a little more stable I can join again by March. Okay, no more ranting. I don't want to think about my extra pounds right now.

Babies bring people together

I am realizing more and more that babies bring people together. I feel that my mom and I have bonded and are a lot closer than we were before since the baby has arrived. And I am suddenly in contact with friends from high school whom I haven't spoken to in years. Now there are three friends who I have been going back in forth with over e-mail. It's really nice. Everyone is really excited about the baby. And they can't believe I am a mom. I STILL can't believe it to be honest. I feel like I woke up one day and I was married with a baby! Everyone has just been so great; it's awesome. I need something to keep me going; this little guy is in the beginning stages of teething I think. Some people say it seems early (he's 3 months), but he is showing many of the signs. He grabs everything and puts it in his mouth. Last night he was yamming on a frozen towel; it was so cute. He has been pretty fussy at night too. He wasn't hungry or wet, just frustrated. He has been drooling a river lately; he can wet up a whole bib in no time at all! I thought I had more time before the teething began but obviously this guy is an early developer. He also has big feet and is "big" for his age. People keep telling me "he's big". I really can't tell because I haven't been around babies that much so I don't notice his size. He must be about 12 pounds now; he has a doctor's appointment friday so we will see how much this little monster has put on in a month! He definitely has a hearty appetite. I joke around with my mother and say that he is going to be big and tall like my brother. She said "not fat though". Yeah yeah, I just mean broad and tall then. Being a mommy kind of rocks... And I am enjoying meeting other mommies and having people smile at me and the young babe on the street and in the subway. What doesn't rock is the subway commute. It's okay but I just wish his daycare was like right next door to my job instead of 2 subways stops or a 25 minute walk! But people are really nice and they usually give me a seat once they see I have a baby strapped to my chest. I use the Moby Wrap and LOVE it! I am such a babywearer. I haven't put him in the stroller once. He has been in the stroller though with the childcare provider. They go to the park when it's nice out, i.e. 40 degrees or more and clear. Okay let me get back to work...