37 weeks and 3 days...and wearing pre-prego jeans!

Yeah today is the first time I have worn jeans, size 6 stretch, since I found out I was pregnant. They fit in the legs but of course they don't zip up at the waist...LOL! I really think the baby is coming a week or so before the expected due date of October 15th. My doula thinks he is coming on the 5th or 6th. B and I feel like he will be making his appearance soon too. B talks to my belly and says "you need to come out, you need to let your mommy eat her own food!" LOL! I was like "um no, he needs to come when he's good and ready, which I hope is closer to the 15th!" But the baby does eat almost all my food. I woke up this morning feeling so famished that I felt weak. I actually had to eat a clementine at like 2 am because I felt so sick and I couldn't fall asleep. My blood sugar dips so low sometimes, I panic because I start feeling really sick really fast. That is why I am so happy I am having a homebirth because unlike in the hospital, I can feel free to eat and drink as I please. I know if I was in labor for a long time and I was in the hospital, I would probably cause a scene because once I get hungry and my blood sugar drops, I can get SO cranky and would probably want to fight a nurse if I asked for food and they gave me ice chips! I don't understand how someone can be in labor for like 16 hours and not eat or drink the whole time! Labor is an endurance event! Anyway I am going to peace out now and just chill! Later!

37 weeks today!

Yay! The baby is officially full term! Wondering when he will make his debut... I think we have the majority of the things we need for the homebirth. Definitely all the necessities. A few odds and ends remain. We still need to wash all the baby clothes. We have a good amount. Lots of jammies! Still can't believe B and I are having a little boo! It's really mind blowing. I am the first out of my inner circle to take the plunge; it's cool but weird too because I feel like the spotlight is on me. I love attention but sometimes I feel like separated or isolated from others because I am going through something new to me and completely foreign to them. And even though I am of an age where a surprise pregnancy(unplanned but wanted) is not like a life destroyer, I still feel so young, you know? And I did say I wanted to have a baby before 30 so I guess someone out there or up there was listening...LOL! So I am feeling a lot more zen lately because I have completed the majority of my projects at work in anticipation of maternity leave. I have definitely been on my grind lately trying to do anything and everything I think should keep things fairly calm during my absence. I have a meeting with the bossman tomorrow morning. Hopefully that is not too painful. I am actually not looking forward to it because I feel like I already covered everything so I am worred he is going to bring up stuff that will further stress me out. But oh well, we will cross that bridge when we get there! In the meantime, I am starvin' like marvin' and did not bring my lunch today! booooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Baby soon come

The above pics were taken when I was 35 weeks and 6 days. Still trying really hard to be cute. At this point, I am just so anxious because it is like the waiting game now. I will be 37 weeks on Wednesday and I am getting nervous, not because I am afraid of labor, but because labor could happen at any moment. I at least feel relieved that I will be considered full term on Wednesday and that the baby is in the right position, head down. My fears were that the baby would be breech and/or preterm. Now I am just waiting for him to make his appearance. I think I am going to try to make a "birthday cake" for the little one when I first go into labor. I am trying to figure out what type of cake to make. Gluten free and definitely vegan. I figure I can mix all the dry ingredients in advance and put it in the fridge or something. And then once labor hits, I can mix it all up and throw it in the oven. A nice little treat for me, B, the midwife and the doula once the baby gets here. And I guess indirectly a treat for the baby too since technically he will be having it through breast milk. I wonder how long my labor is going to be... It can vary so much; it's probably best not to even ponder that question. I will just go with the flow like I have been this whole pregnancy. I need to write thank you cards to everyone who came to the baby shower and also gave gifts for the baby. My money has been so funny lately and I really wanted to buy a set of thank you cards especially for the baby stuff. So I hope no one is offended! I plan on getting the cards when I get my next paycheck, October 1st. I also plan on getting a deluxe pedicure and manicure too! I want to look good for labor, LOL! I will probably start doing my hair once labor begins, well after I put the cake in the oven. It's good to be distracted and just do things around the house they say. I have read so many birth stories in Spiritual Midwifery and Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. I really liked the ones in Spiritual Midwifery...I want to be spiritually "high" when giving birth. I feel like people think I am nuts for wanting a homebirth and/or no pain relief meds but you know, they are on a different level of consciousness. I can't expect them to understand my choices and my decisions. Today I had an interesting encounter with my parents when they dropped off the bassinet along with some clothes for the baby. Let's just say that the 2 minute encounter probably raised my blood pressure temporarily. Le sigh... I am so bored today; I really had nothing to do except for sleep and barely eat. Nothing good on tv... I hope to make the best of my maternity leave. Take the baby for walks in the park, go to the breastfeeding circle at my doula's baby store, go the Baby Wednesdays at the local cinema... I also will probably try to spend at least 2 weeks at my parents in November. It may feel a little awkward but the idea of being in my childhood home, in the green suburbs of Connecticut, sounds nice. And I won't have to worry about cleaning up, food, etc... And my mom, being the grandma-zilla that she is, will probably come home from work around 3:30-4pm and be excited to spend time with the baby. When I spoke to her on the phone today, she said she would get their treadmill repaired so I could use that while I am there. I told her I would be more inclined to come visit with the baby if the treadmill was in working condition. I NEED to be getting my little cardio in while I am on maternity leave. That with the pilates should be good until I am 6 weeks postpartum. At that point, I should be okay to start doing weight training and resistance again. But whatevs, I will cross that bridge when I get there. Okay so back to my boring Saturday...

Photo updates!

These first two pics our from our little Coney Island adventure last Sunday.

These next two pics are from before work on Tuesday, I was 34 weeks and 6 days.
These last two are from Thursday, 35 weeks and 1 day. Coming in on the homestretch! Ignore the living room chaos, we have a lot of stuff to get together before BPW makes it on the scene!
So it's getting down to the wire now and this little guy is getting bigger by the day. I definitely noticed a big changed in my belly in the past two weeks. And he is so active in the evening; it's incredible watching him get busy. So many people are like "Are you nervous about the birth?" Actually I am not, believe it or not. I am more nervous about afterward...like "okay now we have a baby. What now?" Everything is so real; and I think I am more nervous about getting everything together before he comes. I also really want to make sure I get everything done at my job before I go on leave. I feel a lot of pressure because at this point I know that he could come any day now and be just fine. I know he's probably at least 5 pounds now. And I will be full term, 37 weeks, in a week and half. WOW! Okay so I haven't had breakfast yet so I am going to have to make this a short one! later!

Just wanted to post this pic! LOL!

Sorry but this pic is hilarious! I just scanned it from the book "Spiritual Midwifery" by Ina May Gaskin. That baby's look is so classic. If my baby gives me a look like that, I probably will LOL and then feed him.

Birth Kit has arrived!

Last night our customized birth kit FINALLY arrived after much anxiety over UPS delivery and someone being around to sign for it. I went through the box a little bit this morning. Looks like everything is in order, including the "Born at Home" birth certificate and cotton onesie that I ordered. Now we just have to purchase the rest of the stuff on the list that our midwife gave us. It just a lot of odds and ends, like towels, washcloths, olive oil, etc...

My mind has been wandering all over the place. I bought "Spiritual Midwifery" the other day and now I am dreaming about what I have been reading. All these "groovy", "far out" birth stories from the 1960s and 1970s from the community known as "The Farm" in Summertown, Tennessee. It's cool to read about these hippy women and their husbands getting "high" off the rushes (contractions). I want my birth to be a transcendental experience too! I want to get high, tune out and meet God during this holy experience. I think so much of the sacrament of birth has been lost in the techno-medical model of maternity care; it's really a shame. When I tell some people about how I want my birth to be a spiritual, holistic and emotional experience, they kind of just look at me like I have 3 heads. Some people get it though. I wonder why it's so hard for people to understand that hospitals are businesses therefore they do not always have the patient's best interest in mind, i.e. mother and baby. The world is run by economics. People want to get paid. People will not get paid if more and more women stay home to have their babies. Case closed. But people are ignorant; their minds are not capable of opening up to different possibilities of realities. Once your mind is opened, it will just keep opening and receiving truths that may sometimes be hard to fathom. I feel blessed that the knowledge of traditional, non-medicated birth as an option was passed to me. It's not what the mainstream media portrays so I was unaware of my choices in childbirth. The expectation is that you go into labor, you go to the hospital to have your baby. So of course now I am fighting tooth and nail with my insurance company to get them to cover my homebirth midwife at the in-network rate. WHY? Because they do not have any midwives who perform homebirths in-network so effectively I have no choice but to go out-of-network if I want a homebirth. Anyway, enough about that. I have already contacted my employer's benefits department. I hope something will come of that.

In the meantime, I am already plotting and planning my journey to becoming a yummy mummy. I want to do a 5k in February so I plan on starting the Couch to 5k running program 2 weeks postpartum. I plan on doing gentle walking as soon as I feel up to it after the delivery, maybe after a few days. I also have the Winsor Pilates DVDs and I remember when I was doing them consistently, I was getting great results. Six weeks PP, I want to resume weight training and resistance workouts. yeah...I am focused. I think the running/walking combined with the weight training well help get things back together. Hopefully... I don't have any new stretch marks from the pregnancy. I do have some old ones from like junior highschool when I was growing "out" a little bit too fast...LOL!

Goodbye Astroland!

Yesterday B and I went to Coney Island to bid Astroland goodbye forever. The Cyclone and the Wonder Wheel will be the only remnants of what was once the main draw to Coney Island, the Astroland Amusement Park. The lines for Nathan's were CRAZY! All we wanted were drinks, and the shortest wait was 25 minutes! I couldn't even take it, standing in the sun, almost 35 weeks pregnant, was making me dizzy so I left B in line while I attempted to find some sort of seat in the shade. All that for old fashioned lemonade! I guess everyone got the memo that Astroland was closing. I was kind of sad when I saw all the little boos on the kiddie rides, I would have liked to have brought our son to Astroland one day. We walked up and down the boardwalk. We sat down a lot too because I was still feeling a little dizzy from the craziness of the Nathan's line. We looked out on the water and talked about our future plans as a complete family with our little boo coming on the scene so soon. B wants us to go on a family vacation to the US Virgin Islands. I can just picture us at the beach with our little guy playing in the sand. I know he will love the sand and sea just like his mommy. :) I know me and the little guy will probably go to Martinique next summer for a couple of weeks so that should be great too. We still don't have a name for him... It's getting down to the wire! We need to figure things out!

Ready to Blow!

These photos were taken the day before Labor day. At this point I am in the home stretch of the pregnancy. You know you are in the homestretch when you ask your husband to take the baby out, LOL! Of course, I want the baby to come on or around October 15th as anticipated. I have so much shit to get together in these last weeks; it's crazy how overwhelming it can be. I will be working up until I go into labor. That's pretty intense but I have a lot of stuff that has to be done before I take my leave so I am really trying to get everything squared away sooner rather than later. My mom wants me and the baby to go stay with them 2 weeks after he's born. I told her that we would see because who knows how I will feel. I mean sheesh, 2 week old baby, I am not sure if I am going to feel like changing locations at that point. And meanwhile I just feel like a stuffed christmas pig, ready for slaughter. And I can feel the pressure in my cervix building. Sometimes walking is even a chore. I have been taking the bus more and more when I am in Brooklyn, 8 blocks to the subway station after work has become difficult, especially if I pick up some groceries. It does not help that my back hurts and I change positions all throughout the night. Yes indeed, it will feel really good to have my body back. Pregnancy is cool and all but the changes in the body can be so dramatic. I want to feel sporty again; I hate feeling exhausted after climbing a flight of stairs. I much rather be jogging with the baby in tow enjoying the ride than feeling my belly bouncing along as stroll down the boulevard. And let me tell you right now, this little guy, Bojangles aka BPW, is an active fellow. The stuff I see and feel him doing inside my belly would have received gold in gymnastic floor exercise at this summer's Olympic games! I swear he twists, turns, swivels and sticks his little elbows out all day long and especially at night. I was like "Damn son! I am trying to watch Lord of the Rings:Return of the King and you got my cervix straight trippin' right now!" I wonder how much he weighs now. At my sonogram to confirm his position, he was allegedly 4 pounds and 3 ounces, but we all know that sonogram estimates can be WAY off so I am not putting my money on that. He must be like 5 pounds by now. As long as he's in the 6 pound to 8 pound range, I am cool. I don't want an underweight baby nor do I want a little 10 pound monster! That's a whole lotta baby to push! Wednesday I will be 35 weeks! Craziness! I am so curious about what this little bugger is going to look like. I want him to look like the boy version of me, but who knows what he will look like. He may look like a grandparent or even great grandparent. And I wonder what my labor will be like. My doula says she knows I am going to have a beautiful birth. That is my meditation and mantra. I also know that just like a penis, my vagina can grow large to accommodate the baby and then shrink right back down to its original size. Penises don't stay stretched out of shape after erections; why is there so much mythology surrounded around the size and capabilities of the woman's anatomy, i.e. the vagina and pelvis. I plan on having an ecstatic or even orgasmic birth. I know some people don't think it's possible but I really believe in it. Think of it this way, it's uncomfortable for anything to enter the vagina if the vagina is not engorged with the proper blood flow from arousal. Trying to push a baby forcefully without proper preparation to the cervix will of course cause problems including tearing, burning and discomfort. It's very logical but women following the techno-medical model of maternity care really don't trust their bodies so they allow these doctors to cut them, episiotomy, making a large incision, sometimes vagina to asshole. And trust, that shit hurts! And the recovery is ALOT longer and more painful than even a really bad tear. Here is nice way of visualizing it: take a piece of paper and tear it in half; take another piece of paper and cut it in half with scissors. Now which is easier to match back the pieces? Now imagine it being human tissue... Yeah cringe worthy but necessary in understanding the folly of it all. Ok this little piggy(yeah I feel like a piggy!) is ready to call it a day on the blog. Hurricane Hanna has got me feeling lethargic!
peace!